My labour of Love

A new movie by yours truly

Enjoy and do tell me what you think

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaLl_9u65GE

Bye bye baby

Hysum is sitting in a café looking at his watch- he looks annoyed. This is when KAYE walks in.

HYSUM

What took you so long- I have been waiting for an hour

KAYE

Sorry I was in an accident

HYSUM

Whoa- accident, are you alright- are you hurt are you bleeding- did you break anything. Is the car alright

KAYE

No- That kind of accident- I am pregnant

HYSUM

With a baby?

KAYE

No I have an old man in my womb- of course with a baby you idiot. Oh man – our baby is going to come out retarded with a father like you.

HYSUM

I am the father? I can’t be the father- I am not the father- I am a freakin teenager- I cant be a father. Tell me you are cheating on me please tell me you have been cheating on me.

KAYE

I have been cheating on me

HYSUM

Oh god what is wrong with women these days- whats the world coming to if you can’t trust your girlfriend to be a little unfaithful. There are so many good-looking and potent men out there- what do I have that they don’t.

KAYE

It’s not you- it’s me- I am not the cheating kind

HYSUM

Well I am

KAYE

You have been cheating on me.

HYSUM

KAYE- lets not talk about me here- lets talk about you- you are pregnant a lot more important. Another thing that’s important is- this cant be my baby- I was safe. Maybe its one of those you Miracle babies. You know- divine penetration.

KAYE

I know you were safe but just because you have airbags doesn’t mean the car isn’t going to crash.

HYSUM

Crash- crash- this is a wreck- you cant be pregnant are you sure- are you absolutely sure- did you pee on the stick

KAYE

I peed on the stick- I am pregnant

HYSUM

Maybe you didn’t pee right- you need to pee more- you know- do it again

KAYE

Its not rocket science- you just pee on a stick- and I opeed on a lot of sticks- and they all say the same thing

HYSUM

Thank you- try again?

KAYE

No I am pregnant.

HYSUM

Okay okay- fair enough- Have you thought about…

KAYE

No- don’t say it- don’t you dare say it- or even think about it.

HYSUM

What- I wasn’t going to say anything.

KAYE

The A word- Starts with an A sounds like extortion.

HYSUM

Oh no- I was not going to tell you that- never would I say such a thing- I wasn’t even thinking about it. I was just going to say- have you thought what we are going to name are child-

KAYE

Really- is that what you were going to say

HYSUM

Absolutely- But… since up brought up the abortion thing- I was just going to say- only because we are already talking about it-

KAYE

NO

HYSUM

Right of course sure- You haven’t told anyone about this have you

KAYE

Not yet

HYSUM

Great- don’t tell anyone about it- ever- this is our little secret.

KAYE

We hve to tell our parents- I think they wil notice

HYSUM

We will just tell them you got fat or you got gas or something

KAYE

I think they will notice if there is baby sticking out of me

HYSUM

Oh god- my life is ruined- I am finished- done

KAYE

Oh god- I don’t believe how selfish you are being about this

HYSUM

Oh right sorry- You life is ruined to- I mean that’s- end of your life. It’s a curse.

KAYE

Stop saying that about our baby- it’s a gift- a gift from god-

HYSUM

A GIFT- A GIFT- a chine set- that’s a gift- scented candles- that’s a gift- A baby- not so much- you don’t need Martha Stewart to tell you a baby is no gift material.

KAYE

That’s it I am done with you- I didn’t even know why I bothered telling you- you are a horrible boyfriend- you cheat on me- I was hoping you would at least be supportive- I am done with you- I don’t want you to have anything t do with this baby.

HYSUM

You cant leave like that- I might not be the best man in the world- but I m not going to run away from my responsibility- I am sorry- we will get through this- together. I will start right now- I will just dump the other girl- right in front of you

Hysum takes out his cell phone and dials a number

HYSUM

Hello- Mary- Its me- listen- I cant tell you why- but we are done we are over- we cant go out anymore- What- you shut-up- zip- no- liar- no shutup- I say shutup. I am hanging up-

KAYE

Wow- she didn’t take too well- now it’s just you men and our baby right

HYSUM

Yea- not exactly-

KAYE

WHAT- there’s another girl- I have had enough

HYSUM

No- it’s the same girl

KAYE

You didn’t break up? You two timing- bastard

HYSUM

I couldn’t- you see- she just told me- she is pregnant.

Objectivity

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100

Its my post number 100

and what better way to celebrate than by making a movie- well- this movie will be coming soon o youtube near you. well If I ever get around to making it. But I have here- the script. It might seem like any other script- but has over 35 in-jokes and references that only a speciel few will understand. SO see how many you get.

I present to you- and fantastical autobiography thats not---

Erasing ELAINE

HYSUM

AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa- That’s it- I am done- finished- done- done with women- girls, females, ladies, The opposite sex- I am done- that’s it finish, finito, done. No more- period- Period- PERIOD- that has to be it. It’s the only reason she would break up with me, its that time of the month- - She bleeds, I break- BITCH.

HYSUM picks up the phone and dials

HYSUM

Hey- its me again- Just wanted your machine to know that I am still not talking to you- right bye- FORIVER-

Hysum slams phone- smacks himself on the head and has a self deprecating look on his face. Pause and then picks up phone again-

HYSUM

Umm- I meant forever- Not FORIVER right then- bye then- okay-

CREDITS ROLL

SCENE:- HYSUM and NEEHA are sitting in starbucks

HYSUM

You think she is ignoring me

NEEHA

You?

HYSUM

Me

NEEHA

She, never

HYSUM

She never or me never?

NEEHA

What?

HYSUM

Is it something she wouldn’t do- or is it something that couldn’t happen to me?

NEEHA

Both-

HYSUM

But they are both happening

NEEHA

You are just over-reacting

HYSUM

I am not over-reacting- she just isn’t reacting- which makes it seem like I am over reacting- while in reality- the level of my reaction is very balanced.

NEEHA

Just give her time, you guys just broke up.

HYSUM

I don’t want to give her time BECAUSE we just broke up- I want us to unbreak- I want us to merge again- figuratively speaking.

NEEHA

You must really love her allot

HYSUM

Well not LOVE- I like her deeply- I fallen deeply in like with her

NEEHA

You never told me, how did you guys meet- was it like at first site for you guys.

HYSUM

Well not exactly. At first site I thought she kinda looked like a toad or a turtle- some kind of green amphibian really. And she has these really cold clammy hands- shudder.

NEEHA

But she liked you instantly then?

HYSUM

Not really- our story really isn’t that interesting. It’s the same old story- you know- boy meets girl- Boy thinks girl looks like a toad- girl is creeped out by boy- the usual.

NEEHA

Your love grew- That kinda love is stronger- you know- she grew on you.

HYSUM

Yea- like fungus.

HYSUM (continuing)

The truth is our entire relationship- was just about lust and deception

NEEHA

Yea she told me about that

HYSUM

She told you? Geez, she hardly knows - why the hell does she have to go around telling people about our private stuff.

NEEHA

She is just letting things out- she is an open book

HYSUM

More like an open audio book on loud and loop.

NEEHA

So you will agree that you are better off without her

HYSUM

Yes- and no- I still want her back- you know. Where ever I look- things remind me of her- I need to erase her from my mind. She dumped me- so I want her back- I am the dumpee- The receiver of the dump- the loser- I don’t want to be the loser- I just want to use her.

At this very moment a girl comes from behind and taps HYSUM on the shoulder. HYSUM- jumps up from his chair surprised and confused.

HYSUM

OH GOD WOMAN- what the hell are you doing here.

ELAINE

HYSUM we need to talk.

HYSUM

I hate it- I hate it when women say that- why do you say WE need to talk- that makes it sound like a conversation- when its always you who end up doing the talking. You should just say, you need to shutup- atleast that way we will get a heads up.

NEEHA

Oh I just remembered I need to do that thing with the thing in the thing

NEEHA leaves

HYSUM

Wow- leave me when I need you- some friend you are- GO THING YOURSELF.

ELAINE

Is this a bad time?

HYSUM

You have always had bad timing.[pause]I really need to get new friends- I mean you can see what a great friend she is and then my other friend. I still don’t believe it- my best friend- you left me for my best friend.

ELAINE

Well he isn’t really your BEST friend

HYSUM

Well- okay maybe not my BEST friend- but he is definitely part of the top three Malaysian friends I have.

ELAINE

He is only half Malaysian.

HYSUM

Yea either ways- I don’t believe it- You left me for one of my top three half Malaysian friends from Malaysia. How could you?

ELAINE

Why cant you be happy for me- you know- this for the good- be an optimist like me.

HYSUM

No you are an opportunist. But these are things we can work out. Just give us another chance before you decide to quit us forever.

ELAINE

I would rather give birth to an over-weight horse that is bad with directions than give you another chance.

HYSUM

And I just want to be holding your cold, clammy extremely moist hand in the hospital when you are giving birth to that horse-child.

ELAINE

Why don’t you understand. It’s just that, when I was with you- I didn’t know what to do with myself- but he- he makes my icky thump.

HYSUM

Does he have something I don’t?

ELAINE

He is very good looking

HYSUM

I suppose- but I am decent looking too.

ELAINE

Well- not really… you are just- how do I put this- God was probably laughing when he was making you.

HYSUM

If I had a dhs every time I heard that- I could probably get an extreme makeover by now.

ELAINE

And he has such a great body

HYSUM

Well- I could go to the Gym

ELAINE

You have the lung capacity of an asthmatic gold fish.

HYSUM

Is that it- you are so superficial

ELAINE

I am not done- he is supremely smart, completely charming, amazingly articulate and so sensitive

HYSUM

I am smarter than I look- I am also better looking than I look

ELAINE

Talking about looking- He has the most amazing eyes

HYSUM

I get the general idea- you can stop before you reach the bottom half of his body.

ELAINE

And he is reliable and durable and athletic.

HYSUM

I can be mildly athletic in thumb wrestling.

ELAINE

And he is oh so artistic- he sings and he can play 11 different instruments- He paints-and he can speak 9 different languages. He single handedly saved the entire population of the duckbill platypus from extinction and he is on the verge of discovering the cure for a rare tropical disease.

HYSUM

Yea well- I can burp the alphabets

ELAINE

He can burp the alphabets in 9 different languages.

HYSUM

Well yea- but you didn’t even like him when you first met him

ELAINE

Well I am not easily impressed

HYSUM

Lets go out today- I will impress you- guaranteed.

ELAINE

I am not going to go out with you again. We are finished

HYSUM

Just one last time- you know- I won’t ask you to date me again- I just want to go out on a good note- then we can go our separate ways.

ELAINE

Okay- one last time- for old time’s sake.

HYSUM

Perfect- Hot burger at four tomrw.

ELAINE

Sure- on a side note- Have you been telling people I look like a

toad.

HYSUM

Me…never

ELAINE

Oh god you did- You are such a selfish inconsiderate pig

HYSUM

I never called you a toad

ELAINE gets up and walks away

HYSUM

Don’t you hop away from me- I mean walk- walk away- Don’t you walk away from me. Right bye -I will see you tomorrow then.

Screen fades- Scene:- Hot Burger HYSUM is sitting inside wearing a suit while Elaine is sitting inside wearing a sweatshirt. Elaine looks really awkward sitting there while HYSUM has a nonchalant expression on his face.

ELAINE

Why the hell are you wearing a suit, you look like weasel wearing a penguin disguise that he rented from the used suit boot shop for 99 cents and a bag of used toothpicks.

HYSUM

I think I look rather fetching

ELAINE

Only to another weasel wearing a bad penguin disguise if the said weasel was extremely desperate.

HYSUM

I think it is rather befitting to the occasion.

ELAINE

What Occasion?

HYSUM

Enough smalltalk- lets order some food- what would you like- some cheesecake maybe- the cheesecake here tastes just like heaven. Well, a slightly above mediocre heaven. Or maybe we should start with some drinks- the place has some great drinks. They have the ETISALAT, the INTERNET, THE VIAGRA, THE BURJ AL ARAB, The computer- all maginificiant drinks.

ELAINE

I think I will just have some water

HYSUM (shouting)

WAITER, WATER

HYSUM

You know- you look very pretty today

ELAINE

Thank you

HYSUM

You look like Kiera Knightley trying to get into a toad outfit.

ELAINE

Stop with the toad thing, otherwise I am leaving.

HYSUM

sorry- sorry- no more toads.

The waiter brings a glass of water and keeps it on ELAINE’s table. ELAINE accidently spills the water on HYSUMS lap

HYSUM

That’s it- that’s the final straw- I can’t take it anymore.

ELAINE

What are you talking about?

HYSUM

I am talking about us- we are finished- I am leaving you

ELAINE

You can’t leave me.

HYSUM

Yes I can- I am dumping you

ELAINE

You can’t dump me- I dumped you

HYSUM

Stop trying ELAINE, we aren’t meant to be.

ELAINE

You can’t leave me-

HYSUM

Stop begging me to stay- I am going to leave now and leave you some dignity- I hope we can remain friends.

Hysum stands up and begins to walk away slowly

ELAINE

No, come back- we can work it out

HYSUM

Its too late. I am just too good for you- good bye.

ELAINE

But- but

HYSUM

Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.

Smalltalk Anthology

I decided to make small talk (remember the book) into an anthology and tis is the second story in the series. and this one is actually complete- finishes in one most- enjoy yourselves and leave a comment. I have seen those comments dying down so I had to improve on quantity and quality here to get a little more response- Enjoy

Smalltalk- Book 2

Conversations

There I am, minding my own business- walking down a fairly crowded mall when I happen to see the girl of our collective dreams sitting at Starbucks. And sitting with her is this guy- you know this guy, you have seen him before- the kind of guy you look at and think- What is SHE doing with HIM. You never see good looking guys with ugly women- No- its always the ugly guy with the good looking woman- and I want to be that guy, I want people to look at me and say what’s SHE doing with him- I mean- I am just as ugly as he is- I am devoid of the same charm that he is- What is it that he doesn’t have that I do.

The more I look at them the more I am intrigued- I want to know how this phenomena works- So I find myself a table suitably close for eavesdropping. I am not following them, I am just sitting next to them in a coffee shop- even though I don’t drink coffee- its not stalking if it doesn’t involve following.

I have a better view at the girl from where I am sitting and what a view it is. She had the perfect body, Something Davinci would have sculpted and then feel obliged to feel up. (Forget Dan Browns “he was gay” stuff).

She sat there, with one leg on the other- and she flinched a little and every man in a 7 meter radius flinched a little- We have sense- an intuition about females- and we all knew that she was going to cross her legs with such sensuality that was beyond any basic instinct. It was art in the form of instinct.

If a bitch raises her leg to take a piss, every dog thinks it’s his lucky day.

I moved my face a little to get a better look but unfortunately for me- a man decided to block my peripheral vision with his preteen kids and preschool kids- one after the other- 7 of them- in a row, Everyone of them sucking happiness from lives. What I think of parents like this is simple, those who cant do teach, those who can’t teach have kids, those who don’t learn have more kids.

By the time they all walked past my eyes- it was too late, she had crossed her legs and I had missed it. But I would wait there would be other opportunities. So I decided to try and understand this guy a little more.

They were having a conversation. Well, the girl was talking- the guy was pretending to listen. That’s the best conversation you can have- everyone’s happy. There will of course be some awkward silences but that’s manageable if it means you get to have sex later. And to tell you the truth, I much prefer and awkward silence during conversation then during sex.

Sex was all that was going through this guy’s mind- What did she see in him- It was a clear case of beauty and the boner.

And every guy in that room seemed to have one at the sight of her- Maybe- Starbucks was selling Viagra- I wouldn’t be surprised.

But I would also like to take this opportunity to tell you I am completely against Viagra. I for one am looking forward to impotency. For once I don’t have to be a slave to my penis and be able to take decisions on my own. I was looking forward to being 60 and impotent and for once able to carry a civilized conversation with a woman, even though she had boobs- BUT NO- medical science had to come along and shatter my dreams of impotency.

Give me liberty or give me Impotency- apparently liberty was better for business.

I was looking at this woman and kept wondering to myself, why can’t I have such a woman. I was willing to compromise. It didn’t have to be a woman exactly like her- I could settle for a woman with just breasts like her- that’s all I ask- just breast like her- hell one breast like her- that’s right- I was desperate. Why is it that I always end up dating women who wear push up bras trying to make full meals out leftovers?

Women don’t know how lucky they are- they get al kinds of- material for their boobs- hell they have entire shops that sell just sell items for their breasticular needs. What do we men get- nothing. I am not asking for a bra, maybe just a push down boner underpants.

So I look up and I see the guy my girl was with- He was staring at the waitress’s ass. I am going to name this guy Generic douche X. Now I will confess That I too was looking at the ass. Nothing wrong with looking at an ass, its healthy even. That’s what men do, we aspire for asses.

But this guy was an expert, you could say by his technique- An Archeologist of asses. First class degree from hardwood university- He only creamed his pants at the crème dele crème of ass. And I could read his mind. Screw reading his mind, his mind was an audio tape of moans and grunts. If you still don’t understand- I have for you one word- Threesome.

Sex feels great with two people involved, its twice as great with three- its simple math. I of course happen to disagree. Don’t get me wrong here, if I had a choice between threesome or lonesome, I would go for threesome any day but in most other cases- I would prefer a twosome- There is just too much pressure- Three people aren’t meant to sleep together- there are too many spare parts, the mechanics of the thing doesn’t work. One limb here- another limb there and before you know it- you are limp. So screw simple math.

Out of my league girl X was still talking. And she was talking about something smart too- but I wasn’t paying much attention. I mean- I wont lie, I am a bit of a douche myself. I am shallow but I am the good kind of shallow- I can fake depth. I was shallow below the surface- on top I was a sea of sensitive. It’s the greatest show on earth. Hi my name is Hysum, I am the waterworld of sensitivity. Complete with the trained dolphins who jump on cue.

And this was my cue- Generic douche X was being all douche like and I had to jump in- save the day… get the girl. Be sensitive- show her my dolphins on a quest to show her my hammer head shark. So I walked up to her- Douche boy was still staring at waitress girl. I went up to their table- the guy was still eyeballing waitress and I opened my mouth looking for a cool little ice breaker.

Instead she spoke to me- She sure knew how to break the ice

“Hey- I saw you sitting there and I was wondering- would you like to join us for a threesome?”

What’s a generic guy X like me supposed to do?

The end

Home sexy Home

From the moment men are are born the are surrounded by woman.

And its great- its safe, we can just float around and food just come directly to us and we don't need too move much- its just perfect.

of course one day we get out and we live life. But its never the same, It takes some time to realise this- but we eventually do and from the moment we realize it we try our best to get back into women. We want to be in women. Some people may call us perverts, others call us sick and the truth is we are sick- we are homesick.

And so- if you are a single girl and you are looking for a man you should advertise yourself. I can see it now. Ads for women.

For example a woman looking for a fling.

19 year old for rent- has one bedroom, has spacious rooms- lawn already mowed. two floors- Top floor already furnished.

Or a single mother looking for a relationship-

Second hand woman for sale. unwanted gift to previous tenant. One bedroom, kitchen and kids room. Mum and kids- packaged deal.

You get the idea-

Men are commuters- so we might some times be polygamous. I mean some men still like monotony - I mean monogamy but there is a reason for our ways.

You see most men know they are going to screw up and the women are going to leave them so they do their best to keep backups for if and when they screw up so that at least they aren't left homeless. Its a simple case of not putting all our eggs in one basket or more appropriately- all our baskets in one egg.

Truth or dare

Many of you are going to get your results soon. So heres something you need to hear

Achievement, we all strive for it. It is the purpose of most our
being, to achieve happiness, fame, or just achieve a place in heaven.
At a time there is a choice- and some things can be so overbearing
that before you know it, you end up underachieving. We are told all
our lives the virtues of trying "if at once you don't succeed try
again" (my mum, 1991, date of publication unknown). But what my mother
forgot was she was plagerising from parents of yore and I don't blame
her, after all it would be quite ironic if she cited some old man and
then told me "never to trust strangers" at the same time.

My mother also told me not to lie but I do. But I only lie because I don't want people to know the truth.

The truth is- anyone of us can achieve greatness- but you also want to be happy while you do it. You work for hours, you think- you worry- you forget- you forgive- you try and you try and you try till you succeed and then what. Where do you go from greatness- where do you go from success. So I am going to tell you something my mother never told me-

Dare to be average.

Hysum for president

It’s the summers and I am bored. So I have decided to do something with my life. Mainly- run for president of the universe.

Right now I think I have a very good chance of winning- considering I am running unopposed- except maybe by Starbucks who have gotten a head start.

I am willing to kiss babies for some votes. My vice president candidate Chester the molester is willing to kiss some 12 year olds.

There might be a few rumors about me. I just want you to know- I did not have sex with that woman- she wouldn’t give any.

Of course you might ask me why vote for me- Well - apart from the fact that I am very good looking- I am also extremely good to look at. So if big brother is watching you and there are posters of him everywhere- he might as well be good to look at.

Some people ask me what are my stands on the issues. This is of course a very important aspect and I would like to say that hysum agrees with you 100 percent on all the issues.

But here is what my party believes in when it comes to a few key issues.

Crime-

I am going to take a brave stand here and say I am totally against it. I am a big fan of the death penalty and I believe people should be executed for all crimes including pretending to be black and going on the DR Phil show.

Drugs

I am totally for drugs. This is mostly because I am totally sure that whoever is voting for me is either high or my mother.

Education

I am a big supporter education in school. And will push towards more importance to be given to education including a tougher and longer syllables, more tests and stricter teachers. Let me tell you why: Because I am not a schoolchild. I am strongly in favour of things that I, personally, do not have to do. Childbirth is another example.

Health care

Two words- sLutty nurses

Foreign policy

I would do the same thing other people who have wanted to rule the world have done. Mainly- kill the Jews- in what I would like to call- Operation 10 things I hate about Jew.

Environment

I am against the environment and ask people to stay indoors more often

Inflation

I do not like fat people

This is just the first Phase in my Hysum for president campaign-

Vote for me, I got candy.

Hysum talks

On the eve of my 19th birthday I present to you a personal note posted on the internet to my friends.

In Alphabetic Dyslexic order.

Azmi-
We have know each other for half a decade now and thanks for everything. This is for you man.



NOTE: We are not homosexual, not that there is anything wrong with that.

Dilini-
You were part of a great part of my life. The end wasn't all that great but I am glad it happened, including the end. Good luck with the rest of your life and the rest of your love.

Eva-
Thanks a bunch- you are one of the few reasons I look forward to going to uni (as a matter of fact I love uni) . That black spot is a great place for some great conversation.

Faisal
While I wouldn't dedicate the man love song to you. Partly because you are homophobic in your own secure way but with no sarcasm, humour or irony intended- you are great friend. Enjoy the army.

Fatimah
I don't really know you all that well but what I do know of you qualifies you as my favorite Fatimah and I know quite a few. So Heres hoping we get to see more of each other.

Hind-
You don't read my blog but I shall write anyway. I am turning 19 but you remind me what its like to be a 6 year old again and I love that. Thank you for making me laugh like a little girl.

Hysum
You rock man.

Judy
You are one of my favoritest people in the world and i dont even know why. i havent known you for long but rest assured I want to make sure I know you till the year 2050.

Rakshi
I love you for everything that you and everything that you are not and i love you for everything you have made me.

PS: in a non- hetrosexual way ofcourse

Sanaa
Behna-You are part of my permanant praying list. May all the worlds happiness come your way and while i know that all the wworlds happiness may not be possible i know you deserve it all.

Weji-
I have absolutely no idea what i would do without you. You are my brain and my motivation. Heres hoping I grow up this birthday.

My other readers
God bless you all. Keep reading- I have a surprise in store soon,

Chapter Three- Animal farm

Once the ice age was over the humans noticed many of the animals were dying and humans could no more rely on animals for their food.

This is when humans first decided to rear animals. This was know as sodomy/ beastyality.

Later humans decided to tame animals. This was known as S&M.

Once it came to light that mating with animals was no way increase their population the humans decided to use the animals for farming.

The humans were now living starting to build civilizations. some inovaters thinkers said "why the hell do we have to move around so much. Lets just stay at one place. and so they did. In the process building communities based purely on laziness.

On these communities were farms. that grew wheat, weed and cocoa pops.

The Set up

This is our villain. He has nothing to say. He sleeps alone; he does not want to take over the world. He wants control of his own world. Give me freedom or give a fuck

This is the world, populated by you. We were all immortal for one moment.

Unable to sleep, our hero walks the streets alone. Its his job not to sleep at night.

A child dies at the hands of our villain. We were all children once and we choked them to death.

This child bleeds to death; endless and eternal- escaping. Our hero is at a diner.

Our villain wants some coffee to help him swallow his guilt. He chooses a diner, our hero works there.

Our hero serves and feeds the villain.

And so begins their conversation.

Play melancholy baby

Look at the end of your finger. Your finger print... look at it-- You are the only one in the entire universe with lines in that patern, you are unique- EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU IS UNIQUE-
Is there anything in the world more lonely than that.

Repeat after me

I am a loser, I have failed, I am pathetic, I am worthless. I am who I am because of my ultimate lack of conviction.

That is our lullaby
Its how we fall assleep

You are addicted to your life
Its bad for you, its terrible- your life is the thing that will ultimately kill you.

Change now
Go
Change

If only change was a choice

You are a phychological sLut

The world is
too big
too huge
too many people
too many things
too many people
we need to be selfish- so the world comes down to a manageable size

Welcome to mental masturbation 101

One hit wonder

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Welcome to the GREATEST SHOW on Earth.

This is a break from the book- to show you guys something else-

Its a movie made in my university

By a person who I will not name-

Enjoy-




One hit wonder
by the one who shall not be named unless they choose to do so themselves.

Chapter 2- Ice ice baby

The ice age was a harsh and tortures time for most human beings. But enough about the movie- lets get back to history.

The ice resulted in the extinction of many animals including

The woolly mammoth

The nylon mammoth

The 100% original denim mammoth

The platypus (was discover again recently to be alive)

The hairypuss (was reincarnated by the hippies)

The Cave people spent most of their lives in caves (as their name suggests) they battled the cold by living in close knit communities, where everything was shared- these people told each other stories teaching each other about the importance of honour and honesty. They were simple people- Thee people (as thought by history books and schools) are know as barbarians.

These people did not have electricity so they were forced to watch television by candle light.

They did not have most of the superficial things in life that really matters.

To battle the harsh ice age the best minds of the barbarian world came together and came upon a solution. This solution was criticized far and wide as stupid and people said it would work. The rolling stones called the plan “a piece of crap”- but the plan happened to work and as a matter of fact is so popular and great that it still works. But of course people still criticize the plan and call it crap.

This plan was given the name- Global warming.