Hysum for president

It’s the summers and I am bored. So I have decided to do something with my life. Mainly- run for president of the universe.

Right now I think I have a very good chance of winning- considering I am running unopposed- except maybe by Starbucks who have gotten a head start.

I am willing to kiss babies for some votes. My vice president candidate Chester the molester is willing to kiss some 12 year olds.

There might be a few rumors about me. I just want you to know- I did not have sex with that woman- she wouldn’t give any.

Of course you might ask me why vote for me- Well - apart from the fact that I am very good looking- I am also extremely good to look at. So if big brother is watching you and there are posters of him everywhere- he might as well be good to look at.

Some people ask me what are my stands on the issues. This is of course a very important aspect and I would like to say that hysum agrees with you 100 percent on all the issues.

But here is what my party believes in when it comes to a few key issues.

Crime-

I am going to take a brave stand here and say I am totally against it. I am a big fan of the death penalty and I believe people should be executed for all crimes including pretending to be black and going on the DR Phil show.

Drugs

I am totally for drugs. This is mostly because I am totally sure that whoever is voting for me is either high or my mother.

Education

I am a big supporter education in school. And will push towards more importance to be given to education including a tougher and longer syllables, more tests and stricter teachers. Let me tell you why: Because I am not a schoolchild. I am strongly in favour of things that I, personally, do not have to do. Childbirth is another example.

Health care

Two words- sLutty nurses

Foreign policy

I would do the same thing other people who have wanted to rule the world have done. Mainly- kill the Jews- in what I would like to call- Operation 10 things I hate about Jew.

Environment

I am against the environment and ask people to stay indoors more often

Inflation

I do not like fat people

This is just the first Phase in my Hysum for president campaign-

Vote for me, I got candy.