The Secret to my Success

Are you depressed like the penis of an 80 year old man freshly out of a cold shower?
Is life treating you like a Nudist treats his cloths, throwing you off any opportunity he gets?
Does it seem like your friends care more about Ross and Rachel getting together than they care about you?
Do you feel like you deserve a better better half?
Are you taken for granted when you should be Hugh Granted?
Do you feel like your soul is bare feet?
Do you feel lonely like the sunrise when she finds out everyone is asleep even though just moments ago they were out partying?
Family does your understand less you you this than sentence understand?

If so then I want to tell you something

SUCK IT UP

that's right you heard me

SUCK THE FUCK UP

Cause you aren't the only one. That's right you aren't remotely unique, every single person in your age group has the same pathetic issues. All I have done is issued the issues on this issue of my blog. So suck it up.

But if you aren't willing to do that than well I got another solution for you. I call it 'the confidential' think of it as 'the secret' but with more syllables. You see for centuries rich, happy people have been keeping a secret one that could shake the very foundations of humanity (the foundations of humanity would be our legs- so I guess that's just a fancy way of saying it will make you weak at the knees). You too could know this secret, you too could be happy. I'll tell you what this secret is- but right after this commercial break...

Drink Pepsi- it will have big busted women want to have sex with you and then they will ask for more.
Use corn flakes- It will have big busted women want to have sex with you and you will get a free toy.
Spray of Axe- It will have big busted women want to have sex with you if you look like hot model in this advertisement.
Get life insurance it will have big busted women want to have sex with you but they are probably gold diggers.
Use Durex Condoms- If you meet big busted women want to have sex with you.
Eat chocolate- It will stop you from having sex with random men who show no other qualities but excessive eating, soft drink drinking and use of deodorant.

Welcome back after that commercial break. Now to the secret. But not so fast, lets first have a quick montage of all the things you could have after I tell you the secret.

*This video has been blocked by Bush*

And now its finally time for what you have all been waiting for- the big secret and the secret is...

DINGG

I'm sorry it looks like we are out of time but tune in next week for the next post where we will give out the 'THE CONFIDENTIAL'

Between Now and Then

Think about this for a second; I want you to think back to your birth. There you were inside your mothers womb and you tore through, ripping up your mother. You pushed out and you came to life. That is the most amazing, the greatest thing you ever did and nothing you will ever do after that will match up to the sheer brilliance of it. You will never top that. You have already lived the best moment of your life and you dont even remember it. Life is all downhill after you are born.

Then there is death. You could do a million bazillion things right and it would mean nothing to no one but one mistake, by you, by any one and you could be dead. The odds are against you being alive. Every moment,e very second of your life is chance. The wheel of fortune, jeopardy; it's deal or no deal- death or no death.

You were born through a fuck and you are gonna die a fuck and the worst part is, no one gives a fuck.