Bye bye baby

Hysum is sitting in a café looking at his watch- he looks annoyed. This is when KAYE walks in.

HYSUM

What took you so long- I have been waiting for an hour

KAYE

Sorry I was in an accident

HYSUM

Whoa- accident, are you alright- are you hurt are you bleeding- did you break anything. Is the car alright

KAYE

No- That kind of accident- I am pregnant

HYSUM

With a baby?

KAYE

No I have an old man in my womb- of course with a baby you idiot. Oh man – our baby is going to come out retarded with a father like you.

HYSUM

I am the father? I can’t be the father- I am not the father- I am a freakin teenager- I cant be a father. Tell me you are cheating on me please tell me you have been cheating on me.

KAYE

I have been cheating on me

HYSUM

Oh god what is wrong with women these days- whats the world coming to if you can’t trust your girlfriend to be a little unfaithful. There are so many good-looking and potent men out there- what do I have that they don’t.

KAYE

It’s not you- it’s me- I am not the cheating kind

HYSUM

Well I am

KAYE

You have been cheating on me.

HYSUM

KAYE- lets not talk about me here- lets talk about you- you are pregnant a lot more important. Another thing that’s important is- this cant be my baby- I was safe. Maybe its one of those you Miracle babies. You know- divine penetration.

KAYE

I know you were safe but just because you have airbags doesn’t mean the car isn’t going to crash.

HYSUM

Crash- crash- this is a wreck- you cant be pregnant are you sure- are you absolutely sure- did you pee on the stick

KAYE

I peed on the stick- I am pregnant

HYSUM

Maybe you didn’t pee right- you need to pee more- you know- do it again

KAYE

Its not rocket science- you just pee on a stick- and I opeed on a lot of sticks- and they all say the same thing

HYSUM

Thank you- try again?

KAYE

No I am pregnant.

HYSUM

Okay okay- fair enough- Have you thought about…

KAYE

No- don’t say it- don’t you dare say it- or even think about it.

HYSUM

What- I wasn’t going to say anything.

KAYE

The A word- Starts with an A sounds like extortion.

HYSUM

Oh no- I was not going to tell you that- never would I say such a thing- I wasn’t even thinking about it. I was just going to say- have you thought what we are going to name are child-

KAYE

Really- is that what you were going to say

HYSUM

Absolutely- But… since up brought up the abortion thing- I was just going to say- only because we are already talking about it-

KAYE

NO

HYSUM

Right of course sure- You haven’t told anyone about this have you

KAYE

Not yet

HYSUM

Great- don’t tell anyone about it- ever- this is our little secret.

KAYE

We hve to tell our parents- I think they wil notice

HYSUM

We will just tell them you got fat or you got gas or something

KAYE

I think they will notice if there is baby sticking out of me

HYSUM

Oh god- my life is ruined- I am finished- done

KAYE

Oh god- I don’t believe how selfish you are being about this

HYSUM

Oh right sorry- You life is ruined to- I mean that’s- end of your life. It’s a curse.

KAYE

Stop saying that about our baby- it’s a gift- a gift from god-

HYSUM

A GIFT- A GIFT- a chine set- that’s a gift- scented candles- that’s a gift- A baby- not so much- you don’t need Martha Stewart to tell you a baby is no gift material.

KAYE

That’s it I am done with you- I didn’t even know why I bothered telling you- you are a horrible boyfriend- you cheat on me- I was hoping you would at least be supportive- I am done with you- I don’t want you to have anything t do with this baby.

HYSUM

You cant leave like that- I might not be the best man in the world- but I m not going to run away from my responsibility- I am sorry- we will get through this- together. I will start right now- I will just dump the other girl- right in front of you

Hysum takes out his cell phone and dials a number

HYSUM

Hello- Mary- Its me- listen- I cant tell you why- but we are done we are over- we cant go out anymore- What- you shut-up- zip- no- liar- no shutup- I say shutup. I am hanging up-

KAYE

Wow- she didn’t take too well- now it’s just you men and our baby right

HYSUM

Yea- not exactly-

KAYE

WHAT- there’s another girl- I have had enough

HYSUM

No- it’s the same girl

KAYE

You didn’t break up? You two timing- bastard

HYSUM

I couldn’t- you see- she just told me- she is pregnant.