Adam and Eve

Late last year the class 12b1 were set to perform a play but 2 days before its debut it was scraped due to its controversial nature. The name of that play was Adam and Eve and for the first time ever its script is on the internet for the public to see.

Narrator

Segregation, at one time or another we have all been victims of it. The following play is the story of two men, Ahmed and Hysum, as they struggle against the shackles of segregation. Most of the events of this story are based on reality and are hormonal so viewer discretion is advised. Also all characters in this play are fictitious any resemblance to any one living or dead is purely coincidental.

[Scene- Three chairs in a row. Guy sitting in middle, a girl on both sides]

Narrator

Our story begins in grade six, just before segregation is put in to effect. It is at this time when boys first noticed girls.

[Scene- Boy looks towards his right then slowly looks to his left. Has a little

Smile on his face, then guy looks towards his lap. Smile grows.]

Narrator

Girls too began to notice boys.

[Same scene, guy is still looking at his lap. Both girls on his side turn their head

To look at guy. Expression doesn’t change then the girls look at guys lap they

They both have smiles on their faces. Girl on right puts hand on guys lap.

Audience can't see what's happening. Women removes hand from lap, has

Guys wallet in her hand. Smile grows]

Narrator

But girls noticed boys for a different reason. Years passed and the object of Hysum and Ahmeds affections were the two most popular girls in school. Hanna and Anna

[Scene- Two girls enter stage. Standing in the middle talking]

Hanna

Anna is that you, I haven’t seen you since… like forever. Where have you been?

Anna

Everywhere, I am invited to so many parties you know it's hard to go anywhere else. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so popular and hopelessly good looking. But its not my fault, I am like gods most beautiful creature. How come you aren’t at any of the parties? Are you like… not invited.

Hanna

No I am invited I just don’t go there cause all the guys there seem to mob me. You know its so hard going anywhere these days. Without getting asked out. Like just the other day that new guy asked me out, what's his name, you know the hunkie guy.

Anna

Brad asked you out. Get out, no freakin way. Brad and Hanna sitting on a tree…

Hanna

Oh Shut up sitting on a tree is…like so 2004.

Anna

So is your purse. Where did you get it from like 17^th century, you know from the 1970?

Hanna

Talk to the hand cause the face ain't listening.

Anna

With ears those big how can you not hear things?

[Both women frown and walk of stage in opposite directions]

Narrator

Hanna and Anna like all women liked to gossip. Ofcourse Ahmed and Hysum gossiped too.

[Scene- Ahmed and Hysum walk on stage]

Both guys

Wasssssupppppppppppppp

Ahmed

Did you see Hanna?

Hysum

[Makes nice rack action] yeah I saw Hanna. If you know what I mean.

[Both walk of stage smiling]

Narrator

Then one day during break-time.

[Ahmed and Hysum are on stage]

Ahmed

You wanna go watch a movie this weekend. Because Baywatch the movie just came out in the cinema's. They say its Bigger and better then the television show, as a matter of fact they used the same technology as THE MATRIX did to shoot the running scenes.

Hysum

No man I am not into those kinds of movies anymore. You know its like when you are kid and you like watching cartoons but as you grow up you would rather watch live action movies. It’s the same with me man, I am tired of watching the movies, now I want some live action. Forget about later what do you wanna do now.

Ahmed

Let's sneak of to girls' side and stare at some chic's just because they are girls and we are not allowed to look at them. After all, we are teenagers, give us violence and the sight of the opposite sex and we will do anything, no matter how mindless and stupid.

Hysum

Not now Mr. Abraham is looking this way.

Ahmed

How do you know?

Hysum

I know because his head is pointing at the other direction, which means he is looking here.

[The boys sneak of stage]

Narrator

Meanwhile at the girls' side the girls were sharing beauty secrets.

[Scene- Hanna, Anna and another girl are chatting]

Sally

So what you need to do is use talcum powder or Vaseline. Anyway I gotta go guys

Hanna

Yeah bye Sally and thanks for the shaving tips.

[Ahmed and Hysum enter and stand with the girls]

Hysum

I heard you broke up with your boyfriend.

Hanna

Yeah, it's been very difficult. I am in a very vulnerable state right now but I am glad we broke up because he was very shallow and inconsiderate.

Hysum

You won't have that problem with me, I am very mature. I think that beauty is only skin deep. If I cared only about beauty I wouldn't be talking to you.

[Hanna slaps Hysum]

Hysum

I was just joking you are very beautiful. I would do anything just to go out with you, anything at all. I am ready to pay you to go out with me. I will give you 500 Dhs if you go out to dinner with me and 500 more if you stay after dinner for a little desert if you know what I mean.

[Hanna slaps Hysum]

Hysum

What did you do that for, I gave you a fair price, I don’t even pay that much to professionals.

[The girls walk away]

Ahmed

That’s right walk away, these girls have so much attitude.

Hysum

Don’t blame them its not their fault, you see God gave some women brains they went on to be important people, god gave other women beauty these women went on to either become famous or live happily anyway. Then god made women without beauty or brains, instead he gave them attitude so that they would never find out they aren’t beautiful or smart, then god sent this third kind of women to Cambridge as a plague upon the boys.

Ahmed

I don’t care if they don’t have beauty or brains, as long as they are girls.

Hysum

Ah, you see God made three kinds of men, the first type are the once that are good looking, they are popular among women, hated by men. They end up mildly successful men thinking about the good old days, then there is the second kind of men, the one with brains, they prefer not to have anything to do with women, its cause they have brains. Then there is the third and most common type of man the desperate man. God made them and send as many as possible to Cambridge cause lets face it they are the only ones who will go after the girls of Cambridge.

Narrator

As the boys went back to their classes to discuss girls the girls too went back to their classes to discuss themselves.

[Scene- Three girls are the sitting on chairs and talking]

Sally

Did you see the dress Sara was wearing to the party? It was horrible, and so offensive.

Anna

No I couldn’t see the dress there was so little of it. Like why did she even have to wear that?

Sally

She wore it because if she didn’t she wouldn’t have anything to stuff. Ha, ha, ha. [snort]

Anna

Hey look there's Sara and she's crying she looks so depressed and flat that’s probably she used up all the tissue while crying. HAHAHA [snort]. Lets go talk to her.

[they leave]

Narrator

…Meanwhile the boys are hanging out in the corridors.

[Scene- Hysum and Ahmed are talking]

Hysum

I am gonna ask out Hanna.

Ahmed

Aren't you dating Sara?

Hysum

No man I dumped her.

Ahmed

Why? She was so hot

Hysum

Well after yesterdays party I walked her home and it turned out she wasn’t all the women I thought she was. You know, she was less then met the eye. Anyway I think I am in love with Hanna.

Ahmed

Love, like a mother loves her child

Hysum

No, love like Michael Jackson loves a child. I am going to ask Hanna out.

Ahmed

Okay lets practice, you pretend I am Hanna and ask me out.

[Ahmed stands while Hysum approaches]

Hysum

So Hanna, whatcha doin Thursday night, cause I was thinking of going to a movie and if you come along it would be great and all, plus I will buy the popcorn.

Ahmed

Sure I will go out with you and all cause that’s like so wicked.

Hysum

Yes! that’s all I have to do and she will say yes.

Ahmed

No dude, if she said yes that actually means no. You see girls always say the opposite of what they really mean. For example if a girl says yes, what she really means is I would rather kill my self with a fork. Or when a girl cries what she really means or atleast what she is thinking is "sucker, he falls for that one every time".

Hysum

So what do I need to do?

Ahmed

First of all when you go to her your pants have to be much lower then they are now.

Hysum

Why do I have to wear my pants low?

Ahmed

Cause then she thinks that you got something heavy in your pants, like a loaded wallet. Also bob your head as if there is music playing the background and walk like you really need to go to the washroom, with your feet close to each other. It makes you look really cool.

[Hysum shows Ahmed how its done]

Hysum

Okay, what else do I need to do.

Ahmed

Compliment her hair. Do not ask if that is her real hair colour. Do not stare at her chest. Do not ask if they are real. Never ever involve the word fat in your conversations, she will take it the wrong way, as a matter of fact do not even say words that rhyme with fat, she will think you are trying to imply something. Do not say she is too thin either cause then they think you are making a comment on their figure. Never ever say what you are thinking, as a matter of fact try not to think at all and finally if she asks if you notice anything different always nod your head and agree, then get out of there as soon as possible because most of the time the different thing you are supposed to notice is something very small like a new colored nail polish or one less pimple on the face. And believe me, you wouldn't know whats different if you were a mind reader but that’s probably cause when you are reading her mind all you will hear is ME,ME,Me,Me and remember do not compliment or talk about any other girl in front of her.

Hysum

That’s a lot of things to remember.

Ahmed

As long as you do all the things I told you, you should come of out of there alive.

Hysum

Thanks man, I am gonna go for it.

Ahmed

Good luck.

[Ahmed walks of stage like Hysum showed him]

Hysum

You don’t have to walk like that now. Only when the girls are around

Ahmed

No man, I really need to pee.

[Both of them walk offstage]

Narrator

For Ahmed the moment of truth had come, he was finally going to ask out the woman of his dreams, what kind of dreams I don’t think I am allowed to discuss in public.

[Scene- Hysum walks over to Hanna]

Hysum

So Hanna, You look different, is it cause you don’t have pimples anymore. Nice hair it doesn’t make you look at all fat. Not that I am saying you are thin, you are pretty well built, by well built I don’t mean like a man I am just saying that you are a little big boned, are those real. Would you go out with me on Thursday night, I will buy you popcorn, not that I am saying you need to eat popcorn and gain weight cause you are the perfect weight, Compared to your friends, who I have not been looking at.

Hanna

Its very sweet of you but I am busy on Thursday. I gotta a date with your friend Ahmed. He was so cute when he asked me out he just comes and he tells me "So Hanna, whatcha doin Thursday night, cause I was thinking of going to a movie and if you come along it would be great and all, plus I will buy the popcorn" isn’t he adorable.

[Hysum is shocked when a guy comes in]

Rohan Roberts

Guys, you know you are not supposed to be talking, Ahmed get out of here.

Hysum

But sir this is the boys side she should be leaving.

Rohan Roberts

I don’t care Ahmed, you leave now. Don’t push it.

[Ahmed leaves in a hurry]

Rohan Roberts

So Hanna, how you doin? You know there is a great movie on Thursday.

Hanna

Sir I have plans for Thursday

Rohan Roberts

Hanna you are pushing it, don’t push it.

Hanna

Push what sir?, I don’t understand what you are talking about. I am so sensitive, I couldn’t push anything if I tried. Unless you are trying to say I am fat. Is that what you are trying to say.

[Rohan Robert leaves in a hurry, Hanna leaves the stage to.]

[Ahmed is on stage and Hysum enters]

Hysum

You stole my girlfriend, I don’t believe it my best friend and my girlfriend.

Ahmed

She wasn’t your girlfriend.

Hysum

We can't let a girl come in between our friendship, so just be a good friend and let me have her.

Ahmed

There's only one way to settle this, a dance showdown.

Hysum

Yes I agree, no wait what? Why a dance showdown that doesn’t make any sense

Ahmed

Oh you see I am a very good dancer and we needed to get that into the class play somehow.

Ahmed

Okay then, Wednesday, after school in the auditorium be there.

[They both leave on opposite sides of the stage]

Narrator

The rumor of the ultimate dance showdown had spread. The school had made It an official tournament. They called a host and special star judges. The board was set, the pieces were moving, the greatest battle of our time was about to begin.

[Scene empty stage except for three chairs, Dweiki enters

Dweiki

Welcome I am Dweiki and I am going to host tonight's show. Before we begin I take the pleasure of introducing you to our respected judges. Our first judge for tonight is his highness Sheik Mohamed Bin Nayan bin Mohammed bin Ali bin Hassan Bin Eid Traditional restaurant Bin… it’s the Sheik with his two brand new wives.

[Sheik enters with wife, Sheik sits while wife's stand on each side on each side]

Dweiki

Our next guest is our very own Mr. Abraham

[Abraham enters and sits next to sheik]

Dweiki

We have all seen our third guest on your T.V and computer screens before but now its time to see her in living colour, that’s right no night vision its Paris Hilton.

[Paris Hilton enters and takes a seat]

Dweiki

Standing to my right is Ahmed the favorite to win this competition and standing to my left is Hysum the guy who is definitely going to lose. Before we start lets have a word with our judges, your highness why don’t you start.

Sheik

Yes… no word, hurry. I am in hurry, you see in one hour I have attend my 48^th wedding. Then I have to go see my 78^th child, he just born.

[Wife whispers something in Sheiks ears]

Sheik

What another one? When did that happen? Okay, okay, I am sorry 79^th child. I have to meet 79^th child.

Dweiki

Okay then, Mr. Abraham is there something you would like to say.

[Abraham is looking towards sheiks wife and talking to Dweiki]

Abraham

Yes, I would like to say that…

Sheik

Why you staring at my wife. [Slaps Abraham]

[Abraham Looks towards Dweiki]

Abraham

I am not staring at your wife.

Sheik

Who said you staring at his wife

Abraham

This reminds me of a funny story…

Dweiki

Sir no offence but your stories aren't funny, they are just corny.

Abraham

You don’t know anything I have been in this school for more then a decade and a half. So you don’t tell me what's funny and what's serious.

Dweiki

Yeah you been the vice principle for so long. How come you are not principle yet?

Abraham

Yes, Yes. Lets just get on with the show.

Hilton

Yes, like that’s hot.

Dweiki

Okay then, let the competition begin.

[Dance competition takes place, Ahmed Kicks Hysums A**]

Dweiki

The competition is over and the results are in the winner of the competition is Hysum

Ahmed

What that doesn’t make sense; I was so much better then him. How come he won

Hilton

Dude don’t you like watch movies, the black guy never wins. That’s hot.

Hysum

I am the best, I am the best, I win, I win I am the best. Hanna where are you I am coming for you. Hanna? Where is Hanna?

Dweiki

Oh Hanna, she's not here she went on a date with Rohan Roberts.

Ahmed

What isn’t he married. Why is he going on date?

Sheik

This Rohan Roberts sounds like he a ladies man. I like, I like.

Hysum

I am sorry I let a girl come between our friendship. You can have Hanna I am going to try to get Paris. She's hot and refreshing, she's like polo you know a mint with a hole

Ahmed

No man, you keep Hanna, Paris is mine.

Paris

You guys fighting over me, that’s so hot. You know what you can both come, with me.

[They both follow Paris offstage]

Narrator

Our heroes might have lost the battle but they won the war. Next year they graduated year eleven and went on to grade 12. In grade 12 there was no segregation but nor where there women worth looking at. This story has many morals like do not fight with your friends and Ummm… etcetera but the most important moral of all is this "Keep your woman away from Rohan Roberts." Thank you I hope you enjoyed our show and if you didn’t frankly my dear I don’t give a damn.