My 15 minutes

Everyone stands in front of the mirror hold a bottle of mouthwash pretending to give our speech after winning the Oscar. This is my speech, these are mine 15 minutes.

"Oh God, I dont believe this, I dont know what to say, I wish I had prepared some speech. I would firstly I would like to thank my fellow nominees for not being as good as me.
I would like to thank my parents without whom I wouldnt be here, I would like to thank the conterceptive companis, with whom I wouldnt be here.
I want to thank my supermodel wife who,unfortunately, couldnt be here as she has gone to the Golden Globes, no not the award function but the centre for plastic surgery, she wants to do a touch up on her gloden globes, I want to take this oppurtunity to tell her I want a divorce , you have been served.

I would like to thank the ruler and his family, I would like to thank my fellowman, I would like to thank my country, my family and my school.

Oh god i am etting emotional, I promised I wouldnt cry. Umm thank you for all of this, its an honour [Dramatic pause] it is an honour winning this oscar for best actor and person of all time. Thank you and I wont let you down.

I know there is a rumour going on that i am retiring but that is not true, just wait for my new movie Vertical transvestites.

Once again I want to say thank you and [Dramatic pause] Naananibobo I win you lose.


Appluase!! Applause!!