My mantra

18 years from now, on a humid night –much like this one a young man was born (he of course was a baby when he was born, not a man). This boy grew up to become a fearless, smart, intelligent, desirable, sexy man- in the room next to his I was born and grew up to become like me- Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife- that was me in my previous life when I was Russell Crowe in Gladiator.

In this life I am me- and I will eventually be-Father to an unplanned child, husband to wife with a killer body.

As I celabrate the first anivarsary to my seventeenth birthday- I feel mature already- now if only puberty kicked in, I will be all grown up.

The first thing I thought when I turned 18 was the fact that I will never be able to sneak into 18+ movies again, this was the only real difference I could think of between now and yesterday.

I guess I never really grew up after the age of nine I have the mind of a nine year old stuck in Russell Crowe’s body.

Ahhhh to be seventeen again

My own personal Lyrics

The following post is a compilation of lyrics from Four of the famous songs by "THE IMP"s

"She's a bitch but"

When you wake up in the morning and find life next to you in bed,
But she wont stay for breakfast cause she's messing with our head
When life wont return your phone calls and keeps putting you on hold,
When she returns the gifts you bought her, all those trinkets made of gold.

And when the grass is the ceiling and the floor is the sky,
When she break your heart only you dont know why.
When she spits in your face and curses your back,
When everythings a blur and everything lags

When you open your mouth but nothing comes out
What do you do, what do you tell her

You just stand up and shout without fear...

She's a bitch but I love her
Life's a bitch but I love her
Crazy bitch but I love her
Soo soo muchhhh........

(special thanks to the TV series "Ed" for the inspiration for that song)

"Hard rock cock"

I love cock - tada da da DA
Hard rock cock- Cada da da DA
My chastity is locked till I find some hard rock Cock-
Cada da da DA

Tie me down - Tada da da DA
Tear my gown- Da da da da DA
Fill me up
Do all of the above

Bada da da DA

I love cock - tada da da DA
Hard rock cock- Cada da da DA
My chastity is locked till I find some hard rock Cock-
Cada da da DA

"The porno man can"

MMMMMmmmm
MMMMMMmmmmm
MMMMMmmmmmmm
BUm bum bum

Porno porno porn porno- porno porno porno porno

Hump hump

When something on the night goes

Bump Bump

You can be sure its a

hump hump

Porno porno porn porno- porno porno porno porno

Hump hump

Come on children sing and smile

Cause I am gonna do your mama

Doggy syle

Porno porno porn porno- porno porno porno porno

Hump hump.


"Hart-beat"

You are my heart I tell you this with true emotion'
You pump blood into my penis and give me an erection.

You are my heart
my kidney
my small intestine
I love you more than Isrealits love palestine

I love your mind
your soul
I love your face
Oh honey come to me lets interface

I love your face
Your soul
I love your mind
Before you go just tell me if
you like it from the front or behind

You are the key to my lock
The body tomy soul
you are the key to my heart
The hole to my pole

You give me love
you give me hope
you give me life

You give me love
you give me faith
you give out more than my wife

No matter class
No matter religion
no matter race

I dont care about anything
as long as you make me
wet in my special place

You are my heart, I tell you this
you are my core
You are my heart, I tell you the truth
You are a cheap whore.



"Lego love"

Cause I love you like lego
and I just cant lego
Cause I just cant lego

Hmmmm hmnmnmn

I know our love is on the rocks
Lets get back to its building blocks.
Hear my voice my echo
Cause I love you like lego(c)

Marry me, it will be grand
hmm hmnn
We can honeymoon at lego land
Dont go dont leave me in pain
Lego prices are insane.

Hmmm hmnnn

Cause I love you like lego
hmmnn hmmm

I are my chicken tikka
Lets make our loves giant lego replica.

hmmm hmnnh

Cause i love you like lego.



One day You might her recordings of these songs, but for that band member Azmi has to return from his solo tour of America

Groupies please sign up below

My my

I am a man who believes in womens equality- I dont want to leave the women out so now that i have finished talking about male genitalia I am going to dedicatethis post to female breast.

A blog is not a mans blog if it does not contain an ode to BOOBS


Technical & Non-Slang terms

- breasts
- bosom
- bust
- mammaries
- mammary glands

More Commonly Used Slang

Please also add to alphabetical list. Please only add to this part of the list if a widely used word or expression

- assets
- balloons
- baps
- bazookas
- boobs, boobies
- bristols Cockney rhyming slang
- charlies
- chest cushions
- chesticles
- chubbs
- fun bags
- funtime jamboree
- hooters
- janga-rangas
- jubbelubs
- jubblies
- jugs
- knockers
- mamma-jammas
- melons
- norks
- pair
- rack
- tits, titties
-Pleasure Pillows

slang terms referring to famous breast owners
- Annette Funicellos
- Betty Boops
- Barbeaus
- Dolly Partons
- Eartha Kitts
- Janet Jacksons
- Kelly's Melons
- Locklears
- Pia Zadoras
- Britneys

small breasts

- ant bites
- bee stings
- carpenter's dream ("flat as a board" - said of flat-chested women)
- chet-flasted
- empties the (breasts after breastfeeding)
- flat chested
- fried eggs
- ironing board
- mole hills
- mosquito bites
- pancakes
- pin tits
- pirate's dream ("sunken chest" - said of flat-chested women)
- President of the Itty-Bitty or Itsy-Bitsy Titty Committee (woman with extremely small breasts)
- push-ups
- rosebuds
- surfboard
- tiddly-winks
- two eggs, sunny side up
- two asprin on an ironing board
- washboard
- Flat screen tv

artificial breasts
-Silicone Valley
- bolt-ons
- implantits
- falsies
- saline bags
- saline solutions, the
- silicone earmuffs
- silicone sisters
- silicones
- silicone surprise supremes

Breasts using an electronic calculator

- 8008 (spells "boob" when typed into standard calculators, right-side up or upside down)
- 58008 (spells "boobs" when typed upside down)
- 80085 (spells "boobs" right-side up)
- 5318008 (spells "boobies" upside down)
- 55378008 (spells "boobless" upside down)
- 7177135 (spells "titties" right-side up)
- 58008.618 (spells "Big boobs" upside-down)
- 819.80085 (spells "big boobs" right-side up)
- 8008135 (spells "boobies" in leet)

Idioms based on partnerships

- Abbott and Costello ("Uncle Buck" reference)
- alpha betas
- bait and lure
- Barnes and Noble
- Ben and Jerry
- Bert and Ernie
- Betty and Wilma
- Betty and Veronica
- Bonnie and Clyde
- Coheed and Cambria
- Countess and the Lady
- Dallas and Fort Worth
- David and Goliath
- Deudney and Ikenberry
- Donnie and Marie
- Ellby and Arb
- Empress and the Queen
- Eric and Lyle
- Everest and Kilimanjaro
- Fred and Barney
- Fred and Ethel
- George and Gracie
- Hercules and Achilles
- Holmes and Watson
- Hoppy and Bob
- James and Ryan
- Jay and Silent Bobs
- John and Paul
- K2 and Everest
- Karl Marx and Joseph Stalin
- Ketchup and Mustard
- Fran and Ollie Kukla
- Laurel and Hardy
- Laverne and Shirley
- Lewis and Witties
- Lilo and Stitch
- Lord and Lady Baltimore
- Marx Brothers
- Mary-Kate and Ashley (from 8 Simple Rules)
- Mickey and Minnie
- Mike and Ike
- milk and cookies
- Minneapolis and St. Paul
- Mutt and Jeff
- ninth and tenth wonders of the world
- off-on volume and the channel selector
- Parker and Stone
- pepperoni and cheese
- pert and perkies
- pete and repeat
- pick and peck
- pinky and perky
- pride and joy
- Pointer Sisters
- Ragtag and Bobtail
- salt and pepper
- Scylla and Charybdis
- shock and awe
- Siegfried and Roy
- Sir Galahad and King Arthur
- Smith and Wesson
- spic and span
- Stanley and Livingstone
- Tango and Cash
- Terrance and Phillip
- Thelma and Louise
- Tom and Jerry
- town and cities
- Tweedledee and Tweedledum
- Wallace and Grommit
- Wally and the Beav
- whole and 2%
- white and chocolate
- Willie and Waylon (Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings)
- yippie and yahoo




Slang Terms, Alphabetical Order


A

- Ack-Acks "She had a pair of Ack-Acks that could take down the Space Shuttle"
- airbags
- alaskas



- all day suckers
- Alps
- amazons
- ample supply
- angel cakes
- Appalachians
- apple dumpling shops



- apples
- altars
- artichokes
- assets
- atom smashers
- attic
- Areolae Borealis
- Areolae Breastialis "Said by artist Tempeste W"



- Aurorae Australis
- advantages
- avocados
- awning
- armpit warmers



B

- B-52's
- babaloos
- baby baits
- baby feeders
- baby's best friend
- baby's dinners
- baby's public house
- Babylons
- back rubbers
- backbreakers
- backrests
- bag o' groceries
- baggies
- baggos
- bagos
- bags
- bajungas
- balboas
- balcony "That Louise Wong has a balcony you could do Shakespeare from!" Firesign Theatre
- ballistics
- balloons
- baloobas
- banana squeezers
- bangers
- bangles
- banzais
- baps
- barnacles
- barrels
- basketballs
- bassoons
- bath toys
- batons
- battleships
- baubles
- bazongas
- bazonkers
- bazookas
- bazoomas



- bazooms
- bazoombas
- beach balls
- beacons
- beanbags
- beaters
- beautiful eyes
- bebops
- bedtime beach balls
- beestings
- begonias
- bejonkers
- berthas
- best friends
- betties
- big bazooties
- big Berthas
- big boppers
- big brown eyes
- big foot radials
- big sacks of jugs
- bigguns
- bijongas
- bikini stuffers
- billibongs
- binoculars (from Death of a Salesman)
- bio domes
- biscuits
- bits of tid
- bitties
- bizcochos
- blimps
- blockbusters
- blouse bunnies
- bobolas
- bobos
- bodacious ta-tas
- boingos
- bolshy groodies
- bongos
- bonkers
- boobage
- boobalicious



- boobers
- boobies
- booblies
- boobs
- boobules
- booby
- bookends
- bookrests
- bombs
- boomers
- boom-boom rockets
- bosoms
- boston wobblers
- bottles
- boulderados
- boulders
- bouncers
- bouncing beauties
- bouncing Betties
- bouncy bastles
- bounders
- boy bait
- boys, the
- bozos
- bra buddies
- bra busters
- bra fight
- bra stuffers
- braunsteins
- breakfast tray
- breasteses from a sketch on the American TV programme In Living Color)
- breasticles
- brisket
- Bristol Cities, (Cockney rhyming slang for "titty")
- Bristols (derived from "Bristol City"; Cockney rhyming slang for "titty")
- bronads



- bronskis
- Bronx Bombers
- brown speckled pups
- brown-nosed sweater puppies
- brownies
- bubbas
- bubbies
- bubble cups
- bubbles
- buboes (See bubonic plague)
- bubs
- buckets
- buds
- bugs
- bulbs
- bulges
- bullets
- bumper cars
- bumper guards
- bumpers
- bumps
- bumps in the night
- bumpy bits
- bunnies
- buoys
- bushel-bubbies
- bust
- busters
- busties
- busts
- bustular substances (Derived from Peter Cook and Dudley Moore's sketch, Pete and Dud)
- butter bags
- butterballs
- buttons



C

- cabambas
- caboodles
- cachongas
- cadillac bumpers
- cafe la mama
- calabasas
- Camelots
- candy dispenser machine
- cams
- canisters
- cannon balls
- cannons
- cans
- cantaloupes
- capitol domes
- car waxers
- Caracas
- cargo
- carumbas
- casaba melons
- casabas
- castanets
- castles in the air
- cat heads
- cha-chas



- chachabingos
- chalky cliffs
- chalupas
- Charlie's Angels
- charlies
- chaw
- CheChes
- chee chees
- cheek warmers
- cherry cakes
- cherry caps
- chest
- chest armor
- chest decorations
- chest fat
- chest hams
- chest meat
- chest ornaments
- chest pillows
- chest puppies
- chest zeppelins
- Chesterfields
- chesticles
- chestnuts
- chi-chis
- chicharrones
- chickadees
- chickaroonies
- chihuahuas



- chimichangas
- chimpanzees
- chiquitas
- chock blocks
- chockey-nips
- chokers
- choochoos
- chombalonies
- Christies
- chubbies
- chubs
- chumbawumbas
- chungas
- chopons
- cinch sacks
- circus tents
- claire-de-lunes
- clams
- cleft udders
- coat hangers
- coconuts
- cock warmers
- cold weather indicators
- combreastables
- commode cloggers
- comfort Fruits
- concitas



- cones
- congas
- continental shelf
- conundrums
- cookies
- corkers
- cowabungas
- coxcombs
- creamers
- cream pies
- creampuffs
- crowd pleasers
- cruise missiles
- cubs
- cuddly dudes
- cuhuangas
- cupcakes
- cups
- cups-runneth-over
- curves
- cushions



D

- da-das
- dactylic delights
- dagmars
- daily-deviation worthy
- dairy
- dairy makers
- dairy pillows
- dandies
- danglers
- dangling participles
- dead heat in a zeppelin race
- delicate orbs of womanhood
- demigods
- derds
- desperados
- dessert



- Devil's dumplings as spoken by Lady Whiteadder in the Blackadder II episode Beer'
- dick mashers
- dick massagers
- dick parking
- dick rollers
- diddies
- ding dongs
- dingers
- dinghies
- dinglebobbers
- dingoes
- dinners
- dirigibles
- dirty pillows
- distributor caps
- domes
- donkey's ears
- doodads
- doorbells



- doorknobs
- doozers
- doozies
- doppelgangers
- double dribbles
- double D's
- double trouble
- double whammies
- doudounes
- doughboys
- droopers
- drums
- dual air bags
- dual floppies
- duckies
- deuce-and-a-halves
- dueling banjos
- dugs
- dum dums



- dumbbells
- dumplings
- dunes
- durantes
- dutch alps
- dwights cockney rhyming slang. dwight yorkes > norks
- dynamic duo
- dynamite



E

- earmuffs
- eclairs
- eggplants
- eggs
- egos



- Eigers
- el primo torpedoes
- elephants
- emerson bigguns
- emmersomes
- enchiladas



- epcots
- epees
- ericas
- erotic volcanoes
- ewers
- exegeses



- explosives
- eyes
- eye slappers



F

- face pillows
- fat bags
- fat storage
- feedbags
- first base
- first impressions
- flapjacks
- flappers
- flat plains
- flesh balloons
- flesh bulbs
- flesh Colored fun bags



- flesh fillets
- flesh Fujis
- flesh melons
- floaters
- floats
- flopdoodles
- floppers
- flotation devices
- floaters
- flowers of attitude
- fly swatters
- fly tetas



- fog lights
- foobies
- food for thought
- footlights
- Fortresses of Breastitude
- fried eggs
- friends
- front end alignment
- front porch
- frontal elevation



- frontal female water wings
- frosties
- frybabies
- fujiyamas
- fun bags
- fun bubs
- fun bubbles
- fun domes
- funsters
- funnel cakes



G

- gagas
- gajoombas
- gajungas
- garbage bags
- garbanzos
- Garbos
- gazingas
- gazelles
- gazongas
- gazungas
- gazoombas
- geegees
- geminis
- Geraldos
- girls



- girlie bumpers
- girlie guns
- girlthangs
- glad bags
- glands
- glandular endowments
- globelets
- globes
- glockenspeils
- gnugens
- gobstoppers
- God's greatest creation
- God's milk bottles
- Godzillas
- golden bozos



- golden domes
- golden globes
- gongas
- goobers
- good bits
- goodies
- goodyears
- goombas
- goonas
- grab-ems
- grapefruits
- gravity magnets
- great galloping galoogies
- great wobblin' wazoobies



- gribnacks
- grillwork
- grips
- groodies
- groupies
- guavas
- gubiczas
- gumballs
- gumdrops
- gunboats
- guns



H

- haa haa’s
- hakuna mutatas
- hallelujahs
- ham curtains
- hammers
- hammocks for two
- handfuls
- handle bars
- handholds
- handsets
- hand warmers
- hangers
- hanging cucumbers
- happy bags
- happy pillows
- happy sacks
- Happy-fun-squeezy-friends
- hat hangers
- headbangers
- headers
- head lamps
- headlights



- headphones
- headsets
- healthy set of lungs
- heavers
- heavy duty honeydews
- heavy hangers
- hechmas (from South Park)
- hee-haws
- hefties
- heifers
- helicopters
- hematomas
- hemispheres
- hershey kisses
- high beams
- high pockets
- high-rise weather balloons
- hills
- Himalayas (for large ones on Asian women)
- hindenburgs



- hinderbinders
- hippos
- ho hos
- hobey J's
- hogans
- home sweet home
- honeydews
- honeyholders
- honkers
- honorarium
- hood ornaments
- hoohas
- hoohoos
- hoosiers
- hooters
- hoots
- hoovers
- horns
- horrorshow bolshy groodies
- hot air balloons
- hot commodities
- hotcakes
- hottentots
- hottness
- hounds, the



- House of Lords
- how's your father's
- howitzers
- howlers
- hubba bubbas
- hubcaps
- huffies
- hug bumps
- huge maguffies
- huggy bears
- hugh jooters
- human tetherballs
- humdingers
- humonganoids
- humpin' hooters
- hurricane lanterns
- Hush Puppies
- hypnotizers



I

- I-want-thems
- ICBMs
- ice caps



- ice cream scoops
- ice cubes
- idahos
- igloos



- implants
- inflatables
- Ios
- ipsedixits



- Isaac Newtons
- itty bits



J

- jackalopes
- jackanapes
- jacks
- jaggers
- jahoobies
- jambalayas
- jawbreakers



- jelly bells
- jemimas
- jerry-bilts
- jersey cities
- jebs
- jets
- jibs
- jigglies



- jigglers
- jiggly wigglies
- jobbers
- Jordans
- jubblies
- juggernauts
- juggies
- jugglies



- jugs
- jukes
- jumblies
- jumbo chickpeas
- jumbos



K

- kabombas
- kadooks
- kagemushas
- kajoobies
- kalamazoos
- kanchenjungas



- kawangas
- kayaks
- kazongas
- kazoos
- keepers
- kettle drums
- kiwis



- knicknacks
- knobbers
- knobs
- knockers
- kongas
- kos
- krunks



- kumquats



L

- la breas
- lactating lungs
- lactation station
- lactic lobes
- lacto grenades
- lactoids
- ladies' boobies
- lady bumps
- lady lumps
- lampoons
- launch codes
- lean-to's
- lefty 'n' righty
- lemons



- lethal weapons
- leverage
- lewd muffins
- lightbulbs
- lindas
- lip fodder
- little duckies
- little man in the boat
- llamas
- load stones
- loaves
- loaves of love
- lobes
- loblollies
- lolas



- lollies
- lollipops
- lollos
- lolos
- long range tanks
- lookers
- loomas
- lost sheep
- love balloons
- love handles
- love jugs
- love kegs
- love lumps
- love melons
- love muffins



- love pillows
- lovelies
- low riders
- lucky charms
- lug 'ems
- lulas
- lung covers
- lung hammers
- lung humps
- lung nuts
- lungs
- lungwarts



M

- macaroos
- mackerels
- madonnas
- magnates
- magnets
- magnificent pontoons of love
- magookins
- magumbos
- maguppies
- maharanis
- mahatmas
- majestic mountains
- major dongs
- major guns
- major league yaboes
- major league mammaries
- major motion picture material
- male-madness inducers
- mamacitas
- mama's pillows
- mambazos
- mambajahambas
- mammalian protuberances
- mammarambas
- mammaries
- mammary Glands
- mammary Lane



- mammies
- mams
- mamms
- mammouth mounds o' fun
- man magnets
- man puppets
- mangos
- mannipulators
- mappemonde (those old fashioned maps showing two hemispheres)
- maracas
- marangos
- maraschinos
- marbles
- margaritas
- marimbas
- marshmallows
- massage pillows
- matching headlights
- mau maus
- mausers
- mazongas
- McDLT's
- McFloppities
- McGees
- meatbags
- meatballs
- meat loaves
- meat miracles



- meat pillows
- meat puppets
- melon patch
- melons
- mesmerizers
- milk bags
- milk bladders
- milk bombs
- milk bottles
- milk cans
- milk Duds
- milk fountains
- milk jugs
- milk kegs
- milk makers
- milk melons
- milk miracles
- milk shakes
- milk towers
- milk wagons
- milky sacks of calcium
- milky moos
- milky sways Only 3 googlehits
- mimis
- minarets
- minesweepers
- minnebagos
- miras (from the Spanish mirar)
- missiles
- Miss left/right



- mobutus
- mogambas
- mojuba's, the
- mommas
- mommy bags
- mondos
- moneymakers
- monroes
- montezumas
- moo moos
- moogies
- moon pies
- moonlight sonatas
- mosobs
- mother lodes
- mounds
- mounds of Jello
- mountain peaks
- mountains
- Mount Fujis
- mouthwatering scoops of flesh
- moveable feast
- muchachas
- muffins
- mulligans
- murphies
- mushmelons



N

- National Geographics
- nature's airbags
- nature's founts
- nature's little thermometers
- naughty bits
- naughty pillows
- nay-nays
- nectarines
- neeners
- nefertitties



- neh-neh
- nenes
- nevernevers
- nibards
- niblets
- nibs
- nice pair of thrupennies
- nice set of hands
- nice-uns
- nichons
- nin-nins



- ninnies
- ninny jugs
- nipple-caddies
- nipple sundaes
- nodes
- nodules
- noochies
- noogies
- noonies
- norkies
- norks (Australian)



- northern neon-beamed headlights
- nortons
- nose cones
- nuclear warheads
- nuggs
- nummy juggs
- nunga nungas (reportedly for the noise made when pulled and released)
- nukes



O

- obelisks
- oblations
- oboes
- omigods



- ooh-wah-ah-ah-ah's
- oompas
- Oppenheimers
- oracles
- oran



- orbs
- orly owls
- ostrich eggs
- ottomans
- overhang



- overstuffed cushions



P

- padding
- paducahs
- pagodas
- pair
- pair of problems
- palms
- palko
- palookas
- Pamelas
- pancakes
- papayas
- parabolas
- pare-chocs (bumpers)
- parrots
- part numbers, The
- party bags
- party hats
- party passes
- pastor baiters
- pastries



- paw patties
- peaches
- peacocks
- peakers
- peaks
- pears
- pebbles
- pects
- peepers
- pencil erasers
- pendulums
- penis pillows
- perkies
- perkos
- perpetual entertainment
- personal flotation devices
- pies
- Pike's Peaks
- pillows



- pimples
- ping pings
- pink-nosed puppies
- pinkies
- pips
- planetoids
- pleasant eminences
- pleasure mounds
- pleasure peaks
- pleasure pouches
- plentifuls
- plucktifuls
- plums
- plumpers
- plumpies
- pneumatic bliss
- pods of lust
- pokers
- polygons
- pompoms
- ponderosas



- pontoons
- poppinjays
- portable typewriters
- potatoes
- praise Gods
- presidential pair
- pretty-pretties
- professors
- proof that God exists
- protuberances
- PT boats
- pumpkin patch
- pumpkins
- pumps
- punching bags
- puppies
- pushmatahas
- pyramids



Q

- Quakers
- quantities



- quantum heaps
- quasars



- queen-missiles
- quit-its




R

- rack
- rackage
- radar domes
- radials
- raisins
- Ralph Waldo Emersons
- rampolenes
- Rangoons
- Raquels



- raspberry ripples
- reasons to live
- red carpets
- resume, the
- rib balloons
- rib bumpers
- rib cushions
- rib flaps
- rivets
- roberts



- rockets
- Rockies
- Romans
- roploplos
- rositas
- rotors
- rotundas grandes
- roundabouts
- roundies
- roundtrippers



- round mounds of get down
- ruby reds
- Rudolphs



S

- saggers
- saggies
- salamanders
- sams
- samosas
- sandbags
- Sapphos
- satellites
- schmeebs on those nortons
- schooners
- scones
- scooby snacks
- scoops
- scud missiles
- searchlights
- set
- shabba-dos
- shakers
- shebas
- shelf
- shermans
- Sherman tanks
- shimmies
- shirt potatoes523 googlehits
- shirt stuffers
- shivarees



- shlobes
- shmozobs
- shock absorbers
- shoe buffers
- show stoppers
- Sierra Madres
- silos
- silver stars
- sin pillows
- sisters
- skeeter bites
- skeeter chews
- ski slopes
- ski slopes to Heaven
- skin sacks
- slappers
- slutskers
- smart set
- smoothies
- smuggling raisins
- snack rack
- snack trays
- snoogans
- snootchie bootchie nootchies
- snorbs
- snow cones
- snow tires



- snowy prominences
- snuggle pups
- sockdollagers
- softies
- sopapillas
- space aliens
- spark plugs
- specials
- speed bags
- speed bumps
- spheres
- spinaroonies
- splazoingas
- spongecakes
- spontaneous combustibles
- spooge buttons
- spuds
- squashers
- squeaky toys
- stacks
- stash in the dash
- stocking stuffers
- strap tangers
- stratus-spheres
- stress busters
- stripper's ATMs
- stuff



- stuffing
- stun grenades
- sturgeons
- sucklebags
- sugar cubes
- sugar melons
- sugar plums
- super droopers
- supernauts
- sultanas
- sweater bumpers
- sweater cows
- sweater kittens
- sweater meat
- sweater melons
- sweater mittens
- sweater monkeys
- sweater puffs
- sweater pillows
- sweater puppets
- sweater puppies
- sweater stuffers
- sweat glands
- sweetrolls



T

- ta-tas
- Tahitis
- talents
- tallapoosas
- tamales
- tambourines
- tankers
- tassels
- taste great and less filling
- tastycakes
- tater tots
- tats
- tatters
- tatties
- tattlers
- teacups
- teatolas
- teats
- tee pees
- teetees
- teeters
- tentacles
- terrible twos
- terrible twosome
- tetons
- thangs
- thank yous



- they're in my face! (For short people)
- thingamajigs
- thingamajugs
- thingies
- things
- thoughtful orbs
- thousand pities
- thirty-eights
- thrupennies (Cockney rhyming slang:"tits")
- thrupenny bits (Cockney rhyming slang:"tits")
- thwackers
- ticket punchers
- ticket sellers
- tidbits
- tig bitties
- tig ol' bitties
- time stoppers
- time zones
- tiots (tee-ots)
- tippers
- tishomingos
- titbits
- tits
- titskis



- titter
- titties
- Titticacas
- titty tats
- TNT's
- tobacco pouch
- tomatoes
- tom-toms
- tongue depressors
- tongue twisters
- tonsils
- toolbags
- tooters
- tootsie pops
- Top bollocks
- top bollox
- top heavy
- Tora Boras
- torpedoes
- tortillas
- tortugas
- totos
- totties
- towers
- towering twin peaks
- tracts of land (Monty Python and the Holy Grail reference)



- traffic stoppers
- treasure (sunken chest)
- tribbles
- triple D's
- turaluras
- twangers
- tweakers
- tweekers
- tweeters
- twin cities
- twin flagships of her majesty's royal navy, the
- twin mounds
- twin peaks
- twins, the
- two puppies in a burlap bag
- twofers
- tympanis
- type 2s



U

- uberalles
- U-boats
- udders (also 'Udds')



- uhurus
- umbrellas
- umlauts
- umpa lumpas



- unidentified bouncing objects
- upper karoos
- upper ten
- USDAs




V

- Van Dorens
- victrolas



- volcanoes
- volksvanins



- volumes
- volvos




W

- wa-wa pedals
- wabs
- wahwahs
- waldos
- Wally Jumblatts
- Wally wispoppers
- Walters
- wanna Bs
- warheads
- warts
- water balloons
- watermelons
- weapons



- weapons of mass distraction (WMD's)
- weapons of mass erection (WME's)
- whamdanglers
- whammers
- whapoons
- whatchacallems
- whim whams
- white rabbits
- whoo-hoos
- whoopies
- whoppers
- wibbly wobbly wonders
- widebodies
- wigglers



- wigwams
- wilsons
- windbags
- windjammers
- windmills
- windshield wipers
- winnebagos
- wipers
- wobblers
- wobbly-bobbly funbags
- woman-pecs
- womanhood
- wonder twins
- wonderments



- wongas
- wonkas
- woodymakers
- woofers
- wookies
- wopbopaloobops
- workbench
- World Trade Centers
- wows
- wreaths



X

- xenoliths



- X-rateds
- X-ray glasses




Y

- yabbahos
- yabbos
- yabos
- yahoos
- yahtzees
- yam bags



- yams
- yanni
- yayas
- yazoos
- yeast dough
- ying yangs
- yippies



- yitties
- yolandas
- yomamas
- yoo-hoos
- yowsers
- yubees
- yum-yums



- yummies
- yugos



Z

- Z-bras
- zeppelins
- ziggurats



- ziggys
- zingers
- zippys
- zonkers
- zoom zooms
- zoombas
- zoomers
- zwiebacks
- ZZ Tops



PS- did someone say something about women not having names for their private parts.

My Bad

I know this guy, who knows a guy
and he can get me anything I want
all I have to do is click my finger
he is like my own personal remote control.
The problem now is- his batterries are out
and I need new batteries for him.
but I dont know how to get them because
he normally got everything and anything I wanted.

What is the moral of this story?
use your imagination...best answer wins a prize

Continuing the educational nature of this post I am going to write down a few ways of saying cock

bone,
knob,
bishop,
wang,
thang,
rod,
hot rod,
hump mobile,
oscar,
dong,
dagger,
banana,
cucumber,
salami,
sausage,
kielbassa,
schlong,
dink,
tool,
big ben,
Mr. Happy,
Peter Pecker,
pee-pee,
wee-wee,
wiener,
pisser,
pistol,
piston joint,
hose,
horn,
middle leg,
third leg,
meat,
stick,
joystick,
dipstick,
one-eyed wonder,
junior,
little head,
little guy,
rumple foreskin,
tootsie roll,
love muscle,
skin flute,
roto-rooter,
snake,
hammer,
rammer,
spammer,
bazooka,
rubber,
chubby,
sticky,
tubby,
schmeck,
schmuck,
schvantze,
ying-yang,

the list goes on...

If by using such fowl language I have in any way offended you
than really

MY BAD

My 2 cents

Secularism, the way I understand it, is looking at all religions the same way without bias—in essence accepting the equality of all faiths (as opposed to my God bestest).

Likewise, gender-equality strives to attain equivalence of the sexes in terms of perception and opportunity.

Noble aims indeed and ones to which I fully subscribe to.

One of the fundamental concepts inherent in the definition of “equality” is that to an external observer, the two equal quantities should appear the same, modulo some property. In other words, if I say that A and B are equal in weight, then modulo the property of weight, they should be indistinguishable.

Right?

Or not?

Annie Zaidi writes thusly about the debate about women in the Army:

The trouble is that men live trapped in men’s bodies (and of course, they don’t have a choice in the affair) which makes them utterly incapable of forming rational, logical views on the subject of strength, fortitude, courage etc.

And then:

As a woman and a citizen, I can say two things with certainty. One, that if an army requires strength, courage or sheer tenacity, women are more fit for the job than men are.

The response in the comments section of Annie’s post: “Bravo” ,”Applause” and other assorted encomiums.

Now, let’s say someone had written the same thing in such a way that every occurance of the word man/men and woman/women are interchanged:

The trouble is that women live trapped in women’s bodies (and of course, they don’t have a choice in the affair) which makes them utterly incapable of forming rational, logical views on the subject of strength, fortitude, courage etc.

And

As a man and a citizen, I can say two things with certainty. One, that if an army requires strength, courage or sheer tenacity, men are more fit for the job than women are.

Here’s the question. Since I have replaced equals with equals, the effect of these two posts should be the same with respect to reader reaction.

I suppose you have already realized the point I am trying to make.

If anyone had written this “interchanged version” , the comments would be “Shame shame” (from the same people)

Is this equality?

Now the point here is not the blog post. It is not supposed to be taken literally, and is very well writen, the problem is the audience reaction to it. As an example, this is what Dilip D Souza says this about the post from which I have extracted the above lines.

There are many reasons Annie Z is a fine journalist. Heres one more.

This labelling intrigued me as I have always wanted to be a fine journalist myself.

Now when someone like Dilip D Souza, a famous journalist, awarded author and noted blogger himself, calls this an example of fine journalism—–I have to confess that it sets me thinking as to what the concepts of fairness and equality really are in the journalistic world.

As another example of this curious definition of “equality” between the sexes, we have had a spate of cases in the US where female school teachers have been found sleeping with underage school boys and let off with much lighter sentences than male teachers who have indulged in similar acts of moral turpitude.

These female-teacher-does-male-student-stories generate mass media frenzy (standard Leno joke: Goddamn, I wish I went to that school), there is a lot of sympathy for the female teacher (ooh her husband ignored her in bed), the underage boy is blamed (it was he who seduced the female teacher—-he looks so grown up) and legal howlers like the case where one female offender [Debra Lafave] was let off on the grounds she was too sexy for jail.

Lafave, her lawyer argued, was simply too attractive to be put in jail.

To place Debbie into a Florida state women’s penitentiary,” Fitzgibbons said, “to place an attractive young woman in that kind of hellhole, is like placing a piece of raw meat in with the lions. I don’t think Debbie could survive it.

Judge Timmerman apparently agreed.

Now if the perpetrators were male, there would no jokes, no quarter given for an aloof wife, no consideration of whether the girl came onto him or how mature the girl looked—he would be seen as a paedophile and nothing more.

There would be universal revulsion and condemnation all around, people would chuckle gleefully at the indignities that would be heaped on a child molester in jail,pointing out to each other that it’s time this pervert realized how it feels to be violated.

When faced with such facts as the above, the standard “counterattack” from people whose concept of gender equality borders on female chauvinism is that women have had it bad for centuries and in some ways, it’s payback time.

So tough luck.

Of course, this is the same logic that justifies caste-based reservations (punishing this generation for the wrongs of their forefathers) for all perpetuity.

And also sanctifies the breaking down of mosques ( Babur and Mahmud of Ghazni broke our temples in the 1500s and burnt our house and raped our women—-and so in 2002 we am doing the same to you)—–so I won’t spend time in discussing this absurd arguement any further.

Which leads me to the question I started out with: is the concept of equality something I have totally failed to comprehend.

Is this the reason why I have never managed or become a journalist—let alone a fine one ?

My 15 minutes

Everyone stands in front of the mirror hold a bottle of mouthwash pretending to give our speech after winning the Oscar. This is my speech, these are mine 15 minutes.

"Oh God, I dont believe this, I dont know what to say, I wish I had prepared some speech. I would firstly I would like to thank my fellow nominees for not being as good as me.
I would like to thank my parents without whom I wouldnt be here, I would like to thank the conterceptive companis, with whom I wouldnt be here.
I want to thank my supermodel wife who,unfortunately, couldnt be here as she has gone to the Golden Globes, no not the award function but the centre for plastic surgery, she wants to do a touch up on her gloden globes, I want to take this oppurtunity to tell her I want a divorce , you have been served.

I would like to thank the ruler and his family, I would like to thank my fellowman, I would like to thank my country, my family and my school.

Oh god i am etting emotional, I promised I wouldnt cry. Umm thank you for all of this, its an honour [Dramatic pause] it is an honour winning this oscar for best actor and person of all time. Thank you and I wont let you down.

I know there is a rumour going on that i am retiring but that is not true, just wait for my new movie Vertical transvestites.

Once again I want to say thank you and [Dramatic pause] Naananibobo I win you lose.


Appluase!! Applause!!

My business proposition

I have dicided to make myself more business minded. In that light I am going to firstly Patent my name. From this day on if anybody is to call my name they will have to pay me money unless they have the rights for my name in which case they will have to say- for example- "hey hysum- Hysum is a registred trademark of hysum, all rights reserved. I am aware that if I continue this the chinese will come out with their own fake versions of Hysum but do not be fooled.

I have also decided to make money through my Blog- I will do this through advertising on my Blog. Do not worry the advertising will not come in the way of you reading the blog, espiecially if you are using a Windows computer- cause here at windows we care. I was sitting on my computer eating a mentos (refreshing ideas) when I had the idea for this post. All that was left to do was drink a cup of Lipton tea (it calmed me down and picked me up) and I was ready to type. The typing though made me sweat and as I dared for more pepsi I decided to put on some axe deo and than I continued this post with hot supermodels rubbing themselves all over my body- I better get a pack of Durex- Why? (For a hundred million reasons).

My big break

My first movie

A little over three years ago I worked on my first movie project. It was for my sisters univercity. The project was to make a 15 minute movie. To dothis she had 4 months.
My sister ofcourse is part of family and so postponed the movie till he last possible second. So I called two of my friends

Faheem
and
Azmi

Along with them we also called Arshad during the shoot came to be known as Ashus(thanks to Azmi) and is now generally known as Ashus by everyone.

So The four of us along with my sister went to a mall with camera in hand and began to shoot. With no script or idea of wha the script was about we walked around the mall
untill I had a brain storm our plot- inspired by true events the plot went something like this

Me, Ashus and Faheem played friends hanging around in a mall and Azmi played my annoying gay relative.

That was the basic plot for the movie. We beagan to shoot, it basicly revolved around me coming up with the gayest possible thing Azmi can do and say and then Azmi doing it. The resulting product was pure comic gold.

Yesterday I found a Cd containing a few scenes from that very movie titled "In the Middle" and now it is here for everyone to see.
Njoy

A few notes
- The scenes are unedited and therefore uncut and not in order
- Most scenes are missing as the Cd was all scrachted up These are the scenes I managed to save Around 7 minutes of the movie is missing.
- Azmi did a fantastic job and if one day he decides to be an actor rather than a director I think he would do great.
- The video size is around 50 MB
- The movie was shown in a cinema hall at AUS to over 150 people and it now follows a cult following

Curtains up - popcorn out

My white lies

I have a confession to make-

I LIKE TO LIE

I enjoy lying. It gives me a rush. I don’t mean little white lies; I mean big stories, grand lies. I lie because it gives me a rush and I have gotten good at it. So I use this post to give you tips on lying.

1- Do not have a straight face, be expressive but not to much.
2- Be vague but have many small unneccary details
3- Keep it long
4- Be ready to improvise
5- Do not stutter
6- Remember- It is easier to make people think you are lying when you are in fact telling the truth. Use this. Tell the truth and make people belive you are lying
7- Do not feel guilty
8- Believe your lies
9- Make people believe they know when you are lying(do some prelying that is obvious) have people believe they can read you like a book.

Excuses have to fill the following criteria to have a greater chances of success

1- They have to be based partly on the truth (so they can be checked out) ( and to be believable)
2- The excuse has to be embaricing (Removes doubt and reduces chances of further questioning)
3- It has to be vague but with little unnneccary details, it has to be long and potentially boring.

Follow these instructions and you will meet with mostly positive results- really, I am not kidding

TRUST ME!!!

Hysum's Seven

Before I die I want to do the following things

- Win an Oscar

- Write a bestseller

- Write a chart topping song

- Win the noble peace award

- Take over the world

- Lose my virginity

- Make sure it stays lost

- Plan and take part in the mostly elaborate bank robbery ever conceived by man

I have a three month vacation before start of university so I am going to take this time to full fill as many of these aspirations as possible I am now going to start the last one. So it is keeping this in mind that I present to you-

Hysum's Seven

THE GAMe

To steal hundred million dollars from the mark

THE PLAYERs

- Hysum

- Azmi

- Fabio

- Foxxy lady

- The toad

- The hobo

- Cowabanga

THE MARk

- THE RICHEST MAN ON EARTH ------------------SANTA CLAUSE--------------

A HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS

SEVEN PEOPLE

SEVEN EQUAL SHARES

YOU DO THE MATH

THe JUSTIFICATIOn

Santa clause is the richest man on earth; he just sits on his fat ass all year long and reels in the money. He makes most of his money through Santa's in the mall and on the streets who ask for money for "charity". He does give presents to children but he is very prejudiced against "bad" children. The gifts he gives are provided by evil corporate sponsors who use the gifts to brain wash the children. Santa clause is an evil man as he practices animal cruelty; he beats his old and sick reindeers, who are past their age of retirement he also uses the elves as slaves to do his dirty work. The man is evil but you will never find any evidence of this as he burns all the paper work (dear Santa letters), the man is so good at what he does that many question his very existence the man is slick and sly, he works very quietly, behind the mask of a jolly old man lives an evil son of a bitch.

THE PLAn

The plan is simple. The players pool in all their money together and buy lottery tickets, after we win we will use this money to finance our little con job. The toad will infiltrate Santa's kingdom posing as an elf (considering the fact that she is so good at lying). She will be our inside man, she will provide the information regarding his daily routine and the layout of his hide out.

On D day the hobo will seduce Santa using cookies and milk. Once Santa is out of the picture Fabio will use his "oh so hot butt" to melt through the ice doors of the magical kingdom (North Pole not Disneyland). Fabio will then stealthily enter the factory of toys, using his uber white skin to camouflage against the white snow.

Once he is inside he will send the signal to Hysum who will enter the premises disguised as Santa. (The disguise will include a mustache and beard made using Foxxy ladies hair and in place of Santa's stomach will be Azmi rolled up in a ball). Hysum will enter into Santa's office and plant Cowabanga there for surveillance.

Hysum will go to the vault, empty out Azmi from his stomach and together they will fill the big red bag with the loot.

Cowabanga will signal Foxxy lady when Santa will return to his office. Foxxy lady will enter (hopefully her parents will allow her) and seduce Santa forcing him to follow her into the vault where Hysum and Azmi will capture him and tie him up in another big red bag.

At this point the Hobo and Fabio will sabotage Santa's super sleigh.

And the toad will inform all elves that Santa is gone and they can now escape. Using the ensuing chaos as a smokescreen all the players will escape and ride out into the sunset on penguin backs.

The board is set

The pieces are moving

ARE YOU IN OR ARE YOU OUT?