Chapter 6

And there I sat, Hoping for some miracle, but nothing came- I had a better chance of turning water into wine than turning my whining into an idea.

But no ideas came to me- I wanted this girl but I had no idea how to get to her. I was losing my patience while thinking of ways to get this girl to loose her virginity.

Yes I am sure she is virgin, a pure untouched virgin. How could she not be, I mean *sigh* - OH SO BEAUTIFUL with an angelic ass.

We all have family and well when in trouble our families are supposed to help, isn’t that what families are for – I mean there has to be more to their function. So I went to my dad. You know, he was my dad and I would think that dads would have more to do than give sperm and shelter. I mean no disrespect to sperm or shelter but it isn’t very hard to do, is it- it’s not exactly rocket science- though similar physics maybe involved.

SO I headed home…

The television is something that everyone in our house knew a lot about. In our house the T.V was on 24/7. It was in front of this television that I found my dad; he was watching the tele-shopping network on which they were advertising a new miracle weight loss product, it guaranteed it would help you lose twenty pounds in a fortnight. My dad had bought a ton of similar products and I can guaranty that the only pound he lost with the help of these miracle machines was the currency.

I sat on the couch next to him; he was wearing nothing except what used to be white shorts. I stared into his face and I knew that this balding, half asleep, half awake man with chocolate on his nose was the wrong person to ask advice to about your love life; as a matter of fact he was the wrong person to ask advice about anything at all unless you wanted advice on what new miracle weight loss product is in the market and right now weight loss wasn’t exactly my first priority.

I decided the best way to get through this was through to do some more research on the girl- check out what she liked and disliked and than use it to my advantage-

So I headed to the computer- to facebook- click, click click

And what I saw then left me in shock and I am not talking about the electrocution kinda shock even though I had spilt the coke in my hand onto the keyboard.

What I read couldn’t be true- my angel

Its like that saying, you know- having your cake and eating it too, you cant do that- you know- how could this girl, this angel- have her cunt and eat it too.

SHE WAS BI-SEXUAL

Chapter 5

I knew now where this woman was and knew who she was- the next step is to get her to know me, or the part of me I wanted her to know, call me partial but I wanted to party with this girl and like all great parties it would have to go all night long.

A great party-

just

No dance floor- but some great moves
No food- but still pretty yum
No band- unless she is into the kinda thing

But a party needs planning-

Step one is to get her to notice me-

I could ofcourse show her my Raw manliness- but unfortunately my manliness wasnt raw just undercooked.

I did have the rugged good looks but you need to take a really good, close look to spot it.

I could ofcourse use my charm but knowing me a rabbits foot would have a better chance of getting the girl.

I could use my great sense of humour to get her into an interesting conversation-

"knock knock"
"whose there?"
"dick"
"dick who?"
"Just Dick, can I cum in?"

I could always just go to class and do the classic, oops my pen fell routine. Too easy, like stealing candy from a baby, as a matter of fact it was easier then that, it was more like stealing candy from a deaf, dumb, blind and malnourished African street baby who does not have the energy to hold on to candy let alone know what candy is.

and then I saw her, sitting, laughing, giggling, digging her nose- She was soo beautiful- the tip of her slender finger caressing the perfectly round rim of her suttle nose. Inching bit by bit deep inside the warmth of her simmering, sexy smeller. OH SO BEAUTIFUL... and I was happy and I was lost in a memory of her when she was sitting in the arabic class room.

but she walked away before I could make a move
happiness gone

Its funny how happiness is never in the place you think it is most likely to be in. It is always one step ahead of you or with someone else. Happiness is a lot like queues, the one you are in is always longer or moving slower then the others once. I guess that’s the beauty of happiness its so hard to find and when you do find it, it never lasts. But when we remember the great times of our lives they are never the moments of happiness it’s the hunt for it that we remember. Things are always crap when they are going on but they are the good old days when they pass. Its weird how before is always better then now. I guess it’s the beauty of nostalgia, but even nostalgia isn’t like what it used to be.

chapter 4

I sit in the student centre

friends come to me, they all want something
- Money
- Help with notes
- company
- a favour

Friendship is concentual rape.

AN hour to class, an hour to kill-
I head to the library.

The library is three floors-
Three floors of books in multiple languages.
Reference books
Novels
I am surrounded by great works of literature and research.

I head onto the nearest computer and log onto facebook.

After all if I am going to kill some time I might as well kill some brain cells- the punishment for killing is the same matter how large the number of your victims.

5 mins latter
77 clicks later
9 keywords later

I find her- the girl of my lucid dreams, my liquid lucid dreams.

Facebook is a stalkers paradise

Her name was SAM
She was born on october 23, 1988
Her bra size was 34 b
Her email address- Hoochie_mama123@hotmail.com
Her address- American university of sharjah- womens dorms- room number 213

Facebook- the handbook for the faceless

another message

another quick anouncement

I LOVE MY FRAPPY
Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

PS: again people
dont be sLutty with your thoughts

Chapter 3

she had me floored.

I had her laughing her ass off

My ass was numb.

I looked up at her, her face was blushing.

My ass was blushing too.

by the time I had gotten up she had walked away, I limbed after her.

but when I walked out she had dissapeared- The woman of my dreams was lost in an abyss of abayas.

If "SHIT HAPPENS" my life was having an upset stomach, I walked out dazed and confused.
and stumbled my way across to the student centre, it was time for lunch.

Food in university is fastfood

KFC
PIZZAHUT
BURGERKING

the three food groups, a few more days of eating this junk and my heartbreak would turn into heartburn.

Eating alone is equal to masturbation, you just cannot eat alone on campus, its a sin.
Pick up the phone and dial a friend.

Who to call, a look at my cell contact list
Alphabeticaly

Butterscotch
EVA
JJ
Nutela
SR
Vanilla

This wasnt the menu, these were my friends.
I had other friends, but they were just fast food.

Announcement

I would like to inturupt our regular scheduled program for a quick announcement


RAKSHI, I LOVE YOU
Mwwwwwwah


PS: for the sLutty minded, I am not talking about when a man loves a woman love. I mean brotherly love.

Chapter two

Dog, is a mans best friend- What a bitch

First day of the new semester-
First day of class
Arabic heritage and literature
time- 12:30

The classroom is mostly empty- so I fill up my seat at the back, students trickle in, one by one-
makes me want to take a piss.

I rise up, hoping for a quick dash to the bathroom- and then it happened.

She walked in... and my Bladder skipped a beat.

All the cliched things happened

My knees went weak
I began to stare
My mouth wide open

and my stomach went topsy turvy, this quick dash was going to turn to a long dump.

I say the same to my mind what I say to my digestive system

MUST. CONTROL

sneaked back to my seat- The professor stormed in-

75 minute arabic class-

Whoever said time stops when you meet your soul mate was in arabic class.

Class ended- and then it happened
she glided up to me
her lips moved
She spoke

"Hey"

I looked up and suavely replied- and I am just paraphrasing here
"mummble mummble babble babble drool"

As words escaped me I stepped back trying to escape

BANG
TRIP
CRASH
cRAP

Head over heals

Chapter One

Have you noticed how when you sleep shirtless you sleep for longer, this is because shirts remind you of society, society reminds you of responsibility and responsibility keeps you awake- So you can probably deduct how late I was going to be to university this paticular morning considering I had gone to sleep pantless.

Things are a lot faster when they are organised and orderly- so to get ready faster I do things in an organised fashion- Organised alphabetically

Bath
books
brush
cereal
Juice
Mobile
Mom
notebook
pants
shirt
socks
shoes
University
wassup
Zipper

It is very important to put up your zipper in time- that strap of ziper is the thin line between Education and seduction.

I stand in the student centre and I look around- 360 degrees and when you look around 360 degree- no matter what angle you look at- you will see only one thing- the world is full of women, Extremely hot, extremely busy- multitasking women- all of them walking away from you- heading in the opposite direction. Have you ever noticed how the hot women are always walking in the opposite direction.

If you stand in one place long enough- every hot woman in the world will walk away from you. That is the reason why men chase- BAAAAAAD IDEAAAAA

Let me tell you Hysum's first Law of chemistry

- We pursue that which retreats from us.


So there I stood, in the middle of the student centre- pulling up my zipper. A smirk on my stubbled face- ready to walk away, lets retreat.


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This is chapter one
Think of it as a book-
I am going to write down chapter two next post
and its will be a contining short story

SMALL TALK- BOOK one