Anhedonia

Having trouble with the opposite sex- I date doctor Hysum has come to your rescue- I may not be Will Smith but I too can be quite the fresh price.

Rule number one

Ask her out- You see someone you like ask them out

Remember

He who hesitates- masturbates

Rule number two

Give her a call a few hours before the actual date – to get a sense of how she’s feeling- but don’t talk for too long.

A long talk before a date is the Dating equivalent of a complete rectal examination.

Rule number Three

When you first meet her- give her a complement

Here’s a good one- I think you are very cool- you are also looking very hot- you are cold and hot like Malaria- I wish I was black and living in a third world country so I could catch you.

Rule number four

Woman love gifts- tell her you got her one and she will get to open the “package” later in the night.

Rule number Five

Don’t wear underwear and let her know it.

Rule number six

When giving her a ride (in a car) open the door so she can get in- Then apologize for opening the backdoor and tell her that’s for later.

Rule number seven

Lick your food seductively.

Remember

Sex alleviates tension and love causes it.

Rule number eight

When she talks pretend you are listening- when she is not talking pretend you want to listen

Rule number eight

Talk about romantic, mystical things- Tell her you believe in destiny, soul mates and the supernatural (after all how else could you explain your giant penis)

Rule number nine

A condom on a date keeps the doctor away.

Rule number ten

What to do after that I will explain using poetry (the language of love)

One- two – Unbuckle your pants and your shoe

Three- four- Shut the door

Five- six- pick up stick

Seven- eight- lay her straight

Nine- ten- A BIG FAT HEN.

AND THE FINAL AND MOST IMPORTANT RULE

- THERE ARE NO RULES. You cant learn how to be good on a date,thats like learning to be midget and no matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck.

AND ONE MORE RULE

- There actually are rules I only wrote there are no rules because it sounds cool. okay it doesnt sound cool but I wanted to do it anyway.