Made Redundant

Chapter two

I have to break up with her. Break up is such a harsh word, it makes us sound like we were fixed together, we were one and now we are two incomplete halves. They say if you cut a worm in half it grows back, thats probably why the breaker upper is referred to as a worm. I don't want to be a worm, I want to be referred to as a decent guy. Its so freaking hard to actually break up with someone, especially when the only reason you are breaking up is because you don't like her as much as you should. What the hell do you say to that? At least if you are cheating on her you have an excuse. How do you go up to someone who is smart, attractive, funny and has a great personality, how do you go up to them and say- I want to break your heart but I have no reason for it. Can I say, it's the recession- I am downsizing, we are going to have to let you go. I am going to have to break up with her, break up is such a harsh word. I am going to make her available.

And so I meet her. It's a coffee shop, I make sure she orders ice tea, just in case she decides to throw her drink at me.

"you know, I am gonna make this as quick and simple as possible. Not too quick of course cause you deserve more time and not too simple because its a complicated issue" (You know, before conversations like this. When you are practicing what you are going to say over and over again it always seems so perfect and then in the moment, you hear yourself and your tongue is dry, and everything you say is out of order and then they say something you did not expect. You know the other person in your head is always so helpful but in real life they are just sitting there with their ice tea waiting for loopholes in your perfectly scripted spontaneous conversation.)

"What i mean to say is we should separate ways, I want to make you available to other people" (okay good sentence, well articulated, listen to your head not the sounds of your stomach)

"You want to MAKE me AVAILABLE, what are you, my pimp- you take me for a whore"

"No, what I meant was, I think you and I should dissolve'

"Just be a man and tell me you wanna break up, you fucking asshole"

(at least I am not a worm) "I agree with what you just said"

That of course was the short version of the breakup. These thigns tend to go on for very long, I just wrote down the snappy, less painful version of it. On the brighter side she did not throw her ice tea at me but not I wish she did, since I paid for that over-priced thing if she threw it at me atleast I would be the one making use of it. Away she went anyway, a perfectly nice girl. I blame the movies. the movies have brought me up to believe that every girl who hates me is potentially the love of my life.