This thing, that thing

This thing, that thing
The guys
“That’s it, I am done, finished, done, done with women, girls, females, ladies, the opposite sex, I am done, that’s it finish, finito, done. No more; period Period PERIOD; that has to be it. It’s the only reason she would break up with me; it’s that time of the month. She bleeds, I break, BITCH.”
“Dude, calm down and just tell me what happened”
This is Adam and Jason, two guys, two average guys with the minds of average men. They think like average men and they talk like average men. Adam was in an average relationship. He was an above average kisser and had an IQ right in the middle of what was considered average.
The girls
“Oh my god he is such a bastard. You won’t believe what he did. I don’t know why I ever went out with him. You think you can change them but it’s just impossible to get them to listen.”
“That bastard I told you he wasn’t right for you right when I met him. What he do this time”
This is Elaine and Natalie. They are average women. Average in everyway Adam and Jason are. This is your average everyday story.
The guys
“I’m watching TV and she comes up to me. It’s frilly and black.
“Yea okay I get it. Just go on.”
“yea, whatever, it’s this dress. And she asks me about the dress. You know, she asks me what I think of it. And I tell her it’s nice. Kinda tight but nice.”
The girls
“I was wearing the new gown we got from Mango”
“Oh, which one”
“It’s dark grey one with a low cut collar and satin lining. It’s knee length and I got it at this sale. They were practically giving it away.”
“Oh wow, sounds beautiful. Is the sale still on?”
“No, it was one day only. And I got this on that day for Adam and my anniversary. And I try it on with the matching shoes and everything and I ask him how I look. He takes his eyes of the TV for a second and he says You're a repellently obese old hag upon whom I am compelled to heap insults and derision - depressingly far removed from the, 'stupid, squeaky, sLuty women,' who make up my vast catalogue of former lovers and to whom I might as well return right now as I hate everything about you."
“Oh my god what a bastard”
The guys
“All of a sudden she is offended because I don’t know what and she just walks away without saying anything, which I don’t mind. How much can these women talk?”
“At least you got to watch the game in peace. I mean what a game”
“That’s the thing. I missed it man. She came back and wanted to talk. She are always about the talking.”
“She made you miss the game? You’re definitely better off without her”
The girls
“I decide to give him the silent treatment. He hates nothing more than when I don’t talk to him. So I am just sitting not saying anything and he doesn’t say a word. You know those men and their pride. They will never apologize.”
“So he just sat there as if nothing happened?”
“Yea- he was watching something on TV. So I took the remote switched the TV off and went to my room and then he finally followed. He might be stubborn but he cant take it when I don’t talk to him. The silent treatment kills him.”
The guys
“She took the remote. She took the freakin remote”
“Dude, this woman is cruel. You just don’t separate a man from his remote”
“So I follow her to the bedroom to get the remote back and she begins to talk and she doesn’t stop. She is going on about communication and asks me if I am cheating on her and I don’t know what. I am just sitting there nodding my head and agreeing.”
“Good move”
“Exactly, that’s what I thought but then she asks if I love her and I say of course baby I love you”
“Oh wow, you said that. You must really like her”
“I do, she is quite something”
“Geez man, stop getting all emotional on me. You gonna make me barf”
The girls
“I don’t know if he loves me anymore, so I ask him and he says, get this, of course baby I love you”
“Ouch, cold.”
“I know, it’s never a good sign when they say baby”
“I wasn’t going to say this but Adam is always flirting with me every time we meet. I just don’t think he’s a nice guy”
“I noticed and the whole baby thing that was the final straw. I just stormed out of there. I am moving out”
The guys
“and she just stormed out. Just like that.
“What a bitch. She took the remote with her.”
“Enough with the remote thing man; my girlfriend just left me.”
“Where she go?”
“I don’t know, probably to Natalie’s place.”
“Whose Natalie?”
“Elaine’s best friend, I hate her. She’s always putting all these stupid thoughts in Elaine’s head”
The girls
“We have been living together for almost a year now and it doesn’t seem like Adam is willing to commit any further. I think it’s just best I moved out”
“He isn’t all that bad. Give him a chance. You can’t just give up on him.”
“I guess you’re right. I have wasted too much time on him to leave him now. I am going to go see him”
“Well, are you going to go see him wearing that?”
“Well, there is a sale a forever 21”
The guys
“Dude, I am going to marry her”
“Congratulations man”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I am going to do. I am going to get going man. I am going to ask her to marry me right now”
“Now?”
“Yea, now”
“Well, it’s almost time for the game”
“Now?”
“Yea, now”
“Well, I guess she’s waited for so long. She can wait a little longer”
“Lets see, where did I put the remote?”