OUCHIE

See if you can spot the difference between these two statements:
(a) "Those trouser make your behind look fat."
(b) "You're a repellently obese old hag upon whom I am compelled to heap insults and derision - depressingly far removed from the, 'stupid, squeaky, sLuty women,' who make up my vast catalogue of former lovers and to whom I might as well return right now as I hate everything about you."



I think you know what this blogpost is about- WOMEN, GIRLFRIENDS in paticular (no honey, not you, I am talking about all those other women)- Just something most men would relate to get started- I of course don’t relate to this ('really honey, you look great , whatever you are wearing)

Also, to show my Girlfriend there are no hard feelings, I have replicated her style of writing, I have of course messed with it a little and made it my own (by which I mean used a much worse vocabulary).

I was watching Mission Impossible and it was making me uneasy. Tom Cruise was doing something - infiltrating, probably, you know what he's like - and he was continuously describing the situation to his distant support buddies via his headset radio. For a while, I naturally assumed that it was simply Tom Cruise's big nose that was unsettling me and tried, using soothing visualizations and breathing exercises, to move myself, mentally, to a place where it wasn't an issue. But then - the realization freezing my arm and abruptly halting a crisp's journey from lung to mouth - I had a small epiphany: This was me- nose not withstanding, Dangling from a string, trying to infiltrate this, impossible to infiltrate 'computer' (a machine who does not look fat in any kind of cloths).

I, the super spy- am somehow supposed to infiltrate the super- computer, while relating my every move to my support buddy- My support Buddy of course being my girl-friend herself.

Before I continue on I think everyone should- sometimes women will communicate to you their feelings- The key to a successful relationship is communication. That's the First Rule. BUT (there’s always a BUT) every girlfriends corollary to the First Rule is the Timing clause. This states that the best time to initiate a complex and lengthy talk about, say, what trivial thing is important to them takes place only when (in reverse order of preference):
- When you see that BOYFRIEND is playing a game online and is one point away from becoming Champion Of The World.
- Boyfriend is racing out of take a much needed toilet break
- Boyfriend is in the middle of trying to put out a kitchen fire, etc.
- During the final minutes of a tense thriller Boyfriend has been watching for the past two hours. Ideally at the precise point when someone has begun to say, 'Good Lord! Then the murderer must be...'.
- In the middle of the moment when Boyfriend is feeling particularly amorous.

Okay I am tired now- but this is far from over, Guess I will have to do a sequel to this post. Well tht will come next week- I havent even completed my first point yet. Whatever- look for the next update.

OH and- BRING ON THE HATE MAIL