Small talk reincarnated

Its now time to restart my blog- and so I begin with a brand new story.

Tell me what you think.

Chapter one

I know this for a fact- Every single one of you- have- at some point of your life thought that your life would make an interesting-

1- Book

2- Movie

3- TV show

Some of you might even think your life would make a great music video- in which case you must live among some very skimpily clad women and/or aren’t the deepest person in the world. I mean if you could tell your life’s story in a music video then you need to get your priorities straight.

Either ways- if you think any of the above--- This story is for you- But let me just warn you- about the nature of the story. I do not sleep with anybody- I do not get any kind of surgery nor do I catch a rare tropical disease-. Nothing blows up and nothing and I mean absolutely nothing gets pregnant. If you still want to read this story then read on.

Firstly let me tell you two things that are important to our story

- Firstly my name is Od. Capital O lower case D (more on that later).

- Secondly the universe is expanding. (little on that now and more on that later)

You see the universe is expanding- you could say the universe is stuck in never-ending puberty. This effects us- I mean think about living with a hormonal universe. That’s the real reason we have seasons and weather- its nothing but mood swings. Those beautiful stars are nothing but far off pimples and zits. You get the basic picture- the universe is expanding.

You will know what that has to do with my story later on.

OOoo wait there’s another piece of important information I need to tell you about.

The date is December 31^st 2007

right- thats it- so lets begin

I woke up and turned over to find a girl next to me- She was 9.34 on the scale of one to ten- ten being the highest. Okay- so maybe that didn’t really happen- but it’s my story and I can write what I want. For once I have some control over my life. And yes I know I said there was no sleeping around in my story but screw that. Infact forget everything I have written earlier in this story except for the three important things I told you not to forget.

So let me start the story again.

It was a beautiful morning. It was beautiful like short women (Hey- beauty is subjective so I can similize what I want- and I happen to be attracted to short women) so like I was saying The morning was beautiful like a short women (Take Natalie Portman for example) (at least I didn’t say the morning was beautiful life a woman giving birth- I mean seriously some people say that is beautiful- but seriously- yuck- I mean you know they throw up and shit and leak and tear and- yuck) so anyway the morning was beautiful like a short woman/girl and not beautiful like a woman giving birth (unless you are into that kind of thing)

SO I woke up next to this really hot woman- she serves absolutely no purpose in my story- so she leaves.

I get up- brush my teeth and sit on the toilet. Here’s a little truth- most men- when at home prefer to sit and take a piss- Really- sometimes we even take a piss and then leave the toilet seat up to look more macho. But in reality we are pansies who like to sit. Its hard to aim- especially in the morning.

I am done peeing- so I go out- I mean I want to enjoy the aforementioned beautiful like a short woman day. But the moment I go outside- the sun comes out from behind the clouds and blares on my face. You know what I mean- I hate that- when the sun is just messing with you- you know- comes out the moment you go out. Apollo is a sun of a bitch.

I begin to sweat. You know what its like- its like hooking up with Natlaie Portman while she is giving birth and growing taller at the same time- which sucks (unless you are into that kind of thing) (I am not judging) (Ooo and I know that I said- no would get pregnant but this doesn’t count).

So where was I- oh yes- I woke up- right. I have written quite a lot and nothing very exciting has happened yet. Which means only one thing

BANG

There was an explosion in the distance.